Self Reflection & the Scarab

If you have ever run your own business or worked in a high pressured, fast paced environment for any real length of time, then no doubt you will be more than familiar with the moments in life when your body overrides your mind… you know the times I am referring to, when months – even years have passed and you simply have not allowed yourself enough “down time”, time to regroup and breathe – you have simply kept pushing forward until eventually, regardless of what your mind may want, your body finally says ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and you will fall really ill for days at a time, thus forcing you to prioritise your personal well-being through the act of rest.

The last little while, I have been in a similar “emotional state of pause” – not by choice, but insisted upon, not by my mind, or so much by my body – but rather by my soul. I have been hanging in limbo really, knowing in my heart that I have reached the end of “something”… what that something was has been so frustratingly unclear for so very long and has left me not knowing which direction to take and therefore unable to take ANY because the second I would try, the momentary glimmer of enthusiasm would vanish and I would be left, hanging and thinking… **”nope, this does not feel right” or “no, this is not what I want anymore.”

Regardless of the fact that I this often exasperating state of pause can really pull a person down (I know it has me) I knew it would not last forever and that it did indeed serve a purpose, hold a message and direction – I just needed to become still enough to begin hearing it. Something many of us are not very good at… being still that is.

I have been watching a lot of videos on social media lately and have been intensely struck by how many others have been and still are experiencing similar levels of uncertainty, doubt, sadness and despair in their own lives. This has evoked many a question in my mind – most of which will probably never be answered, but I do know that it is not my responsibility to answer the questions which others arise in me, but rather to know that I am not alone and to use that knowledge to find the answers to my own.

There were two specific videos which caught my attention on Sunday evening, both with different messages, but sewn together – a very powerful resonance. The first one was a message about symptoms we often confuse with mental illness but are actually signals of a personal awakening. The symptoms were: Fatigue & Brain Fog - check, increased anxiety - check, feeling detached or disconnected - check. Every single one of those hits the nail on the head for me. The second video was a very strong message, no minced words and it hit me right to my core.

“Disappear for 3 months, find your passion, shock everyone! Drop the toxic people. When you are getting your shit together, it gets lonely! Always chose growth over company. It’s time to shine – NOW! Show your true character, level up so much that people don’t even recognise you. See you in three months!”

I went to sleep that night contemplating those and the many other videos I had watched. There was one which had actually been a live video – a young woman, a recovering drug addict was having a really bad day and the physical and psychological symptoms of withdrawal had her on her knees. She was in tears as she could not stop the incessant itching all over her body. This video affected me a lot more than I realised, as that entire night I had some kind of sympathetic spin off of that as I could not stop the itching – everywhere! It really made me think!

Over the years, I have written many posts here about energy, interconnectedness, dreams and the like and have long since given much weight to the significance of symbolism in our dreams. It has been a long time since I have actively made use of the messages in my dreams to navigate my life, but lately they have been so incredibly vivid and impactful it has been near impossible to ignore them.

Last night was no exception. It was also one of only two dreams my mom has been present in since her passing a year ago. Not a long dream, but without question a noteworthy one. I was standing in front of a mirror examining my face, my hair and then the top of my head. I was parting my hair in various places until eventually, close to one of my crowns – I found what resembled a tick attached to my scalp. Naturally, I freaked out and pulled it off as quickly as I could. It had a horn on the top of its head which had penetrated my skin, so when pulling it off and throwing it on the floor, this clear fluid began streaming from the wound and down my face. Somehow, I knew it was poisonous and was frantically trying to avoid getting it in my eyes. As I examined this “creature” on the floor, my mom was suddenly present in the scene and we established that it was some kind of rhinoceros beetle as we watched it wriggle around and eventually crawl away. That was it – that was the dream.

I actually have a dream analysis book which I have trusted and made use of since my early teens, but at this point in time, it is packed away in some box, standing in the six metre container holding all of our possessions and currently occupying a portion of my dad’s yard… so, when I woke up this morning I hopped on to Google to have a look at the symbolism of a rhino beetle – or beetles in general in dreams. I was not at ALL surprised by what I found. When looking up just the symbolism of the Rhinoceros beetle itself, this is what I discovered:

The Beetle symbolizes light, renewals, self-preservation, and resurrection. Beetle power animal appears to someone who wears his/her armour proudly. However, you need not do that all the time. The beetle is asking you to shed your armour, embrace your sensitivity, face your fears, and to open your heart. Beetle power animal brings you awareness, realization, and understanding. Your spirit guide has given you the armour as a shield to tough out all that comes your way. If you observe beetle traits and characteristics, you will see that this is a hardworking insect. It is always busy gathering food or eating bark or laying eggs or searching for manure.

When looking up the meaning of this beetle in a dream, what I discovered actually left me not only somewhat speechless, but absolutely everything I read resonated very strongly with me at this point in my life as well as with everything I have been processing and working through over the last couple of months.

The Beetle represents a conclusion in your life and therefore speaks of new beginnings. It is a veil to all energies in order so that they can be penetrated with truth, which the truth is that, you are connected with spirit and you are recognized as a Divine being in many planes of the spirit world and realm. The Beetle reminds you, DO NOT rush things. Let everything take the necessary time in order to manifest. You can have whatever you seek or desire, it’s all in a matter of timing. The Black beetle represents a culture of ancient wisdom which you need to tap into and bring about change in your life. The Beetle also reminds you to take action, you cannot simply say, ” all is well in my body” You must eat and think right within your temple and take proper rest and drink. The Beetle reminds you to be responsible for the temple you have been given.

The Beetle represents the need to clear and cleanse energy. Allow all stale energy to be transmuted. The beetle also represents the need for relaxation and rest and is forethought of the necessary rest period that is to come. Choose all lessons, battles, and joys wisely. The Beetle is a reminder of the need to be introverted and to allow all things to be as water under the bridge. Do not allow others ” in some scenarios” to speak positive over your life as often you will have to accept the negative, instead, speak positive things over your own life. The life you have is for YOU to enjoy. The beetle reminds, karma is a necessary balance and equilibrium, as there’s not all good, or not all bad. Make your life according to your own standards.
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In addition to the above findings, the Rhino beetle is a part of the scarab beetle family, which as most of you probably know well from Egyptian symbolism and, the scarab hieroglyph, Kheper, refers variously to the ideas of existence, manifestation, development, growth, and effectiveness.

As I lay in bed this morning, contemplating the dream – its many parallel interpretations, coupled with the not so minor “ebb and flow” of my internal being in the last while – I suddenly felt an enormous sense of lightness and realisation come over me… like I have known what to do all along, which direction was the right one for me at this point in my life but I needed the time to be still and also to get out of my own way on the road to that “place and space”.

There is only so long a person can stomach and swallow what is not allowing them to be true to themselves until change is either willingly actioned or in my case… insisted upon through an almost complete disconnect and system shut down. The simple acknowledgement of this is progress all on its own and I am pleased… very pleased to have taken two more steps forward in what is beginning to feel, like the right direction.

“A man must find time for himself. Time is what we spend our lives with. If we are not careful we find others spending it for us. . . . It is necessary now and then for a man to go away by himself and experience loneliness; to sit on a rock in the forest and to ask of himself, 'Who am I, and where have I been, and where am I going?' . . . If one is not careful, one allows diversions to take up one's time—the stuff of life.”
― Carl Sandburg