Taking aim at cancer

If you're a regular reader of my posts you'll know that real life is hectic for my wife Faith and I right now; We're stressed, a condition I try to keep away from my blogs as it's not very interesting, and have many trials and tribulations ahead of us. Don't worry, we're holding it all together, but it's a struggle though.

Two years ago Faith's mum was diagnosed with a primary cancer, had a major operation and six months of chemotherapy then was proclaimed clear about ten months after the initial diagnosis.

Only a month ago, at a regular follow-up scan, more cancer was found, a secondary cancer meaning somewhere different to the first. She has had a lot of testing since then and tomorrow is her final appointment with the specialist to get the verdict on the severity, options available if any and what the future holds as far as operations or treatments and time/length of life are concerned. We are hopeful of the ability to operate which is about the best-case scenario.

A few weeks prior to all of that Faith had some issues herself and went through a month of cancer testing of her own; I haven't said much about it here, and neither will I, except to say that she has been told her issues are not cancer-related. The concern was that her father died at thirty three years old of non hodgkins lymphoma, blood cancer essentially and considering Faith's issues it was a possibility for her also. We haven't had a great time of it lately.

Fortunately that cancer-scenario is not the case but she still requires an operation of her own in the next few weeks. We're waiting to see what happens with her mum tomorrow before we schedule that in of course as we need to make both situations work together; Faith, in true style, is more concerned about her mum than herself of course.

We have planned a strategy around her mum's situation and what we expect to happen so hopefully we can handle it better than last time. It went ok, but was incredibly stressful on us as a couple and individuals and this time I think we're better prepared. Part of the issue last time was that it all happened only two days after Faith and I returned from Europe. We'll be on top of it this time I think; Preparation prevents poor performance they say.

I'm feeling a bit useless at the moment although and am very concerned for Faith. I feel kind of angry mostly because she deserves better than this; Only the other day I wrote on hive about how grumpy I was and whilst probably justifiable, it's not productive.

We spoke about it over the weekend as we've both been feeling the same way; We made commitments around dealing with it together which is pretty easy for us as we do most tings together. Without going into details we agreed to talk things through, our feelings and frustrations, as holding them in will only cause them to burst forth in unproductive ways later and in this situation we need to be a pretty tight unit.

I feel confident we're going to bring it all together a lot better than last time and whilst the situation is much more dire, more complicated, I think it might be a smoother process. I'll have two patients to look after, my job and all the other physical, logistical and emotional commitments I usually have but I think our plan is a good one, has built-in flexibility and three committed people to deploy it. I'm still grumpy though; Just saying.

I'm sorry this isn't a very positive post today, but writing it out feels like a commitment or affirmation of sorts and helps me to order things in my own mind; Thanks for being my sounding-board.

None of you have the cure to cancer although you may have been through similar things so I ask you to share them below if you feel able. It would be nice to gain a little more insight and to hear how you may have dealt with the same or similar situations. Both Faith and I have already lost a parent to cancer so have some experience but each time is different and your perspective could be really helpful.

Thanks for reading.


Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.

Be well
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The image is Faith with a couple of handguns of mine, both checked and verified as empty prior to being pointed at me. She looks grumpy I guess, but I think that's understandable.

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You're doing far more good than you realise. It's just a man thing. If we're not doing something, we're not doing anything.

It's all a bot draining, especially considering I recall how difficult it was over the end of 2018 to half way through 2019. There's not much for it but to push forward and take each step at a time hoping to move in the right direction.

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I am sorry to hear that you are facing such a difficult time. Much is being asked of all of you, and unfortunately it will not always be possible to stay strong. Yet my personal experience is that it is also okay not to be strong for a while. You may, maybe even should, show your feelings. When my father had lung cancer, we soon got the news that it was incurable. What has stayed with me most from that time is "The feeling of being together". He was not alone in it, we were all in it. It felt like an express train running on and on, with the occasional pause for breath at a small station. Emotions that could calm down for a moment, for a moment before we rushed into a high peak or deep valley again. Until the train finally came to a standstill with the death of my father. In this time it was important to me to talk to each other, to just be there for each other ... sometimes in silence, sometimes in frustration, but always in love.

Thanks for your words of wisdom and for sharing a little of your own story. Cancer is a terrible thing and as we've both lost people to it we understand how brutal it can be. Like you say, togetherness is a good thing and we have plans in place to do that with Faith's mum. They are very close anyway, but we will spend more time together from here.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. :)

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You have to watch that short fuse mate, as it can make you do silly things.
Someone said that life is not fair and that it likes to strike us at inopportune moments.
What you are going through is not an easy burden for anyone to carry and your strength and compassion will certainly be tested. Remember that tears are also a good thing, even when we say that we are tough and we never cry. But I have spilled a few tears in my time, especially at times when one feels so powerless.

Keep on talking and stay busy mate as you are the anchor and it's essential for you to stay strong so the others can lean on you!

Faith, your mother in law and you are in our prayers!

Yeah, life's not fair and so Faith and I just do what we do, make the best of it that we can. I'm not so worried about myself but get angry that I can't make it all go away; Faith deserves better than this.

Thanks for your words and thoughts, much appreciated.

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Our hearts and spirits are with you guys on this journey
This life tests the strongest and the weakest, to humble the strongest and to empower the weakest, but we are all just as strong as the air that we breathe.
My mom and my younger sister also deserved better, but we hope that Faith will come out of all of this triumphant!

Like I said, you are now her anchor!

Thank you for the token.

Thanks Zac, I appreciate your words and thoughts. You've always been supportive and we appreciate it. :)

With you all the way Galen and only asking for the best for you guys!

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Cancer is a really difficult disease. But nowadays we witness many people defeating this disease. Medicine has really advanced. And we know early detection saves lives.

We lost my grandmother about 15 years ago from lung cancer. There was nothing that could be done for her. Tuberculosis in her childhood damaged her lungs considerably. I was just a kid back then. But I remember crying with my father. My father did his best for his mother to live.

I know this is a bad moment. But good things happen in life. My husband's grandfather is about 85 years old. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer 6 years ago. And the doctors said he couldn't live long. But now he is quite healthy.

I think morale is very important with this illness. We must be positive in every moment of our lives. As long as we are positive there is nothing we cannot achieve. All my best wishes for Faith and her mother.

Thanks for sharing some of your experiences with cancer. We will simply hear what the doctors have to say tomorrow and go from there. I don't think it's going to be easy however we'll all just do what we can and work towards the best result possible.

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You being grumpy is quite understandable as no one deserves to go through what your family is in the middle of right now...and I couldn't help but notice your bond with faith is quite a strong one and whatever the future brings, you'll both face it head-on till it gets better.

Keep comforting each other and stay strong!!
Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way...

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. Faith and I have been together for thirty three years and we have a very solid relationship built on trust, respect and passion...We've faced adversity before so are not strangers to the pressures it brings although on top of other things in life at the moment this was something we could have gone without.

We'll just take it as it comes, react as best we can and look forwards to a good result, hopefully.

Thanks for your words and thoughts - I think the very first time you've commented on my posts. So, thank you.

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Being there, enjoying the time with both of them when you get there after work to comfort is the best medicine. Every case is different and every one of us takes it the best he/she can. I am no one to give advice but if my reading and words help that's all it counts.

You're right, it's different for everyone, the process. Faith and I will take each day, and challenge, as it comes and do the best job we can. The rest will have to sort itself out I guess. Thanks for your kind words. :)

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I feel.you @galenkp and for your lovely wife Faith. Life is not perfect without a trial that could make us a better person. I had been through like feeling you have now. Why I work here for 22 years away from home? The reason was my grandmother who became blind for 9 years before she dies. At the same time, my mother was also sicked and became blind since 2015 until this year she died. I spent millions of our currency. Then my Aunt was diagnosed with cancer. She is the one who helps me with the financial needs before. Thank God she survived until now. My lady boss had a breast and thyroid cancer too since 2008 but after the radiation, she also became a survivor. During the time my lady boss knew about her health issue, she asked me a favor not to leave their 7 children most especially the youngest(my baby love)was still 1 year old. She hugged me in the rain. It had heavy rain, she holds my hand and dragged me outside, the rain was pouring over us then asked the help of God seriously with faith and let me promised that I won't leave her family. We were both crying out loud asking the mercy of God for my lady boss. She is a very good person.

That is why I felt what you feel today most especially for Faith.

Please, I suggest trying to consume dried moringa every morning. You can do it like tea or mix with yogurt or any salad. The moringa leaves must be air dry and put it in a food processor. Maybe It could help your wife. I tried it for my boss. Also the garlic honey and black seeds. I gave it to my lady boss. It is just a suggestion from me since it is tested as my living testimony. Thank you and I include you in my prayers.

Stay strong and increasing our faith could help us.

Thank you for your nice words of support and for sharing a little of your own journey through similar circumstances. I feel angry because my wife deserves better than the hand she's been dealt although we have always been a couple to face what comes and to do the best we can; This is what we will do in this case also.

Thanks for your recommendations and for taking the time to read and comment.

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Please dont be angry, add patience to all the circumstances in our life. The more you feel angry, the more happiness of the devil. They are just ruining our happiness. Thy will be done. God will not give us a burden that we could not carey on. Satan is now playing and dragging your positivity so plaese calm down.

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It is so much appreciated.

Holy Cow man.. I am so sorry that life is tossing obstacles all over your path lately. This really pulled at my heart strings, primarily because I just lost my best friend and companion Pepper (my pup). I am over emotional these days.

It REALLY SUCKS when you realize that there is so much dealt with, day in and day out, that is out of our control. I picked up on that in this passage you wrote ...

I'm feeling a bit useless at the moment although and am very concerned for Faith. I feel kind of angry mostly because she deserves better than this; Only the other day I wrote on hive about how grumpy I was and whilst probably justifiable, it's not productive.

I tend to get this way.. grumpy, angry, useless.. and your right that it is justifiable. The "not productive" part is tough. How do you get motivated when life seems to be pushing you down? How do you keep strong and a smile on your face when you can see the concern and worry in your wife's face?

I think you nailed it on the head when you said that you and Faith opened a line of communication and are committed to being a tight unit. Sounds like you both will not have any trouble supporting and strengthening one another through the ups and downs and while tending to these terrible battles.

I wish you the best with it all and you both will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope there's a silver lining on the other side of these times. Hang in there!

It's been a pretty sucky year for sure. In July I lost my cat Merlin who was my best friend for 22 years...4 days later my dad passed away. Now this...And that's not even to mention holiday cancellations, pay reductions and all the stuff around corona-chan...Yep, I'm done with 2020.

Faith and I have been together for 33 years and have been through a lot, but we do it together and support each other as required. It's the only way. You hit the nail on the head with the keep strong and a smile on my face comment as every time I see Faith my heart breaks and I want to hit something. I quell it though, as best I can, and turn my energy towards something more productive, or at the very least, something not negative.

I really appreciate your words, taking the time to write them. Many hivers display such quality of personality and it helps. I'm sorry about Pepper, that is so difficult to accept. I was devastated to lose Merlin, it still breaks me down.

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Thats sucks to hear! I know I dont know you all very well but I really do hope the best for you guys on the other side of the globe.

Cancer took my brother and many family friends over the years. While Ive got a great neice and nephew that both beat leukemia when they were younger.

In my brothers case it was colon cancer and was given the all clear. Then suddenly it came back with a vengeance about a year later. Hit him so fast that he was gone within a week of the resurgence.

My great neice, who is now all grown up, is a RN and works for the Make a Wish foundation helping kids going through the same crap she grew up with.

Just want to say that in the pic she doesnt look grumpy to me. She looks like a bad ass that could kick this old truck drivers ass. Even without the guns, lol!

I've had guns pointed at me several times over the years and never been scared. But when my wife looks at me like that it sends a chill down my spine!

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It sounds like you've had your share of exposure to the old cancer scenario. It sucks ass but all a person can do is give in or push on, the latter is what Faith and I will do. Thanks for sharing your experiences and showing some solidarity for a fellow hiver on the other side of the world.

Faith is a pretty good shooter although prefers the long guns more than handguns. She knows her way around rifles, shotguns and handguns though and can shoot all of them pretty well. She's pretty bad ass, a real fighter, strong of character and yet soft and feminine. She keeps me in line too, not easily done, but she does it.

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Sounds like shes cut from the same cloth my wife is!

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Great picture. One to print and hang facing out the front window! On the other note, best advise I ever had during my psy training days was this:
The mind can only hold one thought at a time. It can of course switch back and forth rather quickly. These issues are of course, important and need appropriate time for thought. However, excessive worry and ruminating does nothing but drain the mind and body of energy. Assign and allow yourself appropriate restricted time to contemplate the issue (one at a time) that may be: I am going to think about this (and worry if needed) from 3:00 - 3:15. (less is better, repeat thought time morning and evening or each day if needed. Don't try to ignore it, because that just doesn't work, the subconscious will keep reminding you and bringing it up unless/until you have addressed it or scheduled the time to address it because it is important. You don't have to solve it in one session, just honoring the time to process and then put it away to next scheduled time will suffice to help quiet the subconscious mind.

Then commit yourself to thinking about other positive things. Work to shift your focus from the worry time to focusing on plans for "after", how/where you'll go to dinner after the surgery. What things you'll be able to do or do again after the surgery, etc. Think and discuss/dream about those things in detail. What the food will taste like, what the views will look like, what the smell of the salt air may be like. It takes some practice, but the more you do it, the more it will become habit and train your mind to let go while still paying attention and honoring those things that need it.

Best to you all.
K

This is great advice and applicable to all aspects of life's adversities not just cancer. I'm actually printing this out and am going to dot point it as a strategy to share with Faith and her mum as I think it would be a good reminder for them when things are looking and feeling bleak.

Thanks a lot for sharing this, I think it will come in very handy indeed! Much appreciated.

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Life seems to deal some shitty hands broham. It will work out. You will ride the storm as if it were a dragon pup barely cutting it's teeth.

And that is one awesome photo of the good lady gunning. You could sell them as prints!

Yeah, it all sort of sucks at the moment. Was just talking with Faith just now about tomorrow...Her mum is being pretty brave about it but Faith can tell she's worried, as anyone would be I guess. We'll see.

Yeah, a good picture huh? I took it in colour and I think it looks better in colour, shows the guns off a little better. I might use it at some stage.

Thanks for your words mate...We just gotta push on I suppose huh?

#stormrider

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It's all we can do mate. Pushing on through adversity. It really does suck ass and especially so with good people :0/

Yeah, that photo is a keeper!

Yeah man, we'll rock on and make it all happen, no other choice.

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Having been on both sides of the cancer scene, I can honestly say the hardest side was watching my wife's fight with it. There is that complete hopeless feeling of knowing there was nothing I could do to make it better, to fix it. All I could do was sit there be with her help her however I could. It was not easy not being able to fix it.

Having gone through some cancer, skin, then lung cancer, I sort of know what it is like to be on the receiving side of it also. I was lucky, it was a simple matter of removal of the bad bits and pieces. Losing half a lung, but then I did not have to go through the chemo stuff, they got it all.

I would rather go through cancer again then have to watch my wife go through it again, she had to do the chemo thing, it was not easy, she managed it and we both survive still.

You and Faith will need each other, she is going through the same fears as you with her mother, she is likely more concerned with her mothers health than her own, I am sure you both know that the hopeless feelings are going to rise, the fear is going to rise, and the frustration, the not being able to fix it.

You have each other, all three of you, Faiths mother is likely more concerned about her, all you and Faith can do it help your mother know you are both there for her, that you both are going to work on helping her, then you worry about Faith.

You have my sincerest sympathy, this is one road you have to travel that I would not want to, but have had to. During my wife's cancer treatment, her father passed from cancer, it was not a pleasant time for me, it was a hard road to travel and always will be.

Thoughts and prayers going out to all three of you.

Hey, thanks for sharing your story briefly; I think it's always good to hear good news stories of success where cancer is concerned. Sure sounds like you've had your share of experiences.

I'm not keen on going through this all again, but we will, and will support each other as much as we can throughout. I'm sure there will be extremely pressured moments, but together we will work through it and move it forward.

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I hope to have some good news to share at some stage, but for now we're just doing what we have to.

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Drat about the secondary cancer, and yay for Faith not having cancer!

I figure you probably feel useless because you can't fix it, but try not to feel useless because you're probably the most useful thing she has right now as no matter what there you are.

Hope everything starts improving soon!

I'm pretty worried about Faith to be honest, hence my grumpiness sometimes; There's nothing I can do about the situation and she's in pain which makes me pretty upset and angry.

We'll battle through though, we seem able to deal with things reasonably well, despite it being difficult and it taking a toll.

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I can relate to the mental anguish, the general grumpiness you are going through Galen,, both from personal and professional experience of dealing patients with diseases that puts the family under gruesome worry. I hope things get better for you guys soon. What is important at this time is to stick together through the thick and the thin.

I try hard to not allow my grumpiness to spill over to others; It's not their fault after all and I'd feel pretty bad if I made someone else feel bad due to my own attitude and feelings. It's there though, the grumpiness, and I have a pretty short fuse at the moment. I haven't told anyone at work what's going on, my team, other colleagues or the Directors however when I know what happens tomorrow it might be time to do so.

Faith and I make a pretty good team and whilst there's moments she probably wants to throttle me to death we generally handle things well and with a lot of respect for the other. I'm just angry that she is in pain and has to go through that at the same time as her mum's scenario...She feels sad and disappointed for her mum and, as you can probably imagine, distressed at her own situation.

We'll tough it out though...Hive will have to accept a grumpy G-dog sometimes maybe. :)

Thanks for commenting.

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It's quite understandable that you're grumpy. You are allowed to be grumpy, even without a reason but especially with sad news like this and with the feeling of helplessness when you think you can't do anything. Except be there for Faith and that's actually doing a lot.

It's the feeling of helplessness that makes it the worst I think; It's like I'm a passenger. We'll rock on though, there's no other choice really, and I'll have a rant here now and then if I have to. Thanks for your message. :)

The best to Fair her mum and you.

Thanks mate, much appreciated.

I’m sorry, I hope everything else goes well in your life.

I hope so too.

I've got nothing on the C. My immediate families cancer exposures have not ended well so I've got nothing there.

What I do have is a belief in you and Faith (and by extension Faith's Mom) to do what needs to be done in a meaningful way. It ain't easy or simple, but you are up to it.

I think you set yourself a good working track by writing this post. I know writing helps me focus on what's important.

We plan stuff out and whilst we need to be flexible in this case we have a good strategy for taking care of ourselves and relationship. It's about all we can plan for at the moment.

I've just dropped Faith and her mum at the hospital so we'll know soon enough how things will move forward.

Thanks for you kind message, and yep, sure helps to write about it a little.

I wish all of you a lot of strenght. No wonder you are feeling agitated and grumpy, it's a difficult situation. Hopefully Faith will be alright. What a tough year for the two of you! My respect for just hanging in there!

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Hang in therer is about all we can do right now...Yes, it's been tough, a tough 2020. A sucky one too! We'll be ok though, and will do what we have to do to make it work. :)

A year to remember for sure!

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