This morning, I found myself — as usual — wading through the 250-odd messages that invariably greet me every morning when I first wake up my computer... and one of the messages was the almost inevitable sales pitch from some "Writing Coach" I've never actually interacted with.

Within, the usual "teaser article" typical of such emails, a "helpful" article that gives you just enough to warrant reading, but NOT enough that the online workshop pitch becomes moot.

Evidently, this particular workshop leader believes the key to success as a writer is to turn everything you write into a numbered list.

Now, personally, I have never liked numbered lists and they mostly (yes, there are exceptions...) suggest to me that I'm about to read a pretty "fluffy" piece with only the most rudimentary depth of information and very likely a sales pitch for something at the end.

I'm sure you've come across lots of them:

• 11 Reasons to Eat More Broccoli
• 8 Reasons to buy Stocks on Days that end in "Y"
• 6 Reasons Eggs Can Save Your Life
• 20 Top Lifehacks for Better Yawning

Mostly, when I see something like that I find myself sighing quietly at the gradual demise of critical thinking and self-investigation.

But anyway, since this email was promising me writing success if I use Numbered Lists, I thought I'd give the format a shot!

8 Reasons Why I'll Never Become a Successful Writer!

Let's count them down, shall we:

Number 8: I Hate Self-promotion!

Whereas I am really fond of the "social web," what I actually enjoy is the interaction and sharing of ideas, but I don't care about telling everyone "how great I am." I realized that with this morning's batch of messages, which actually contained emails from three fellow writer/creator/consultants, all of whom were engaged in some variation of a song-and-dance routine about their skills...

...and all I could bring myself to do was roll my eyes, as I realized that I probably knew more about what they were talking about selling than they do.

I just don't like being that annoying person who shows up everywhere and comments "Wow, cool that you saw your mom! HAVE YOU READ MY LATEST ARTICLE ABOUT HOW TO FLIP RUTABAGAS WITHOUT ANY UP-FRONT INVESTMENT???"

Number 7: I Don't Have a Product!

Along with self-promotion, I noticed that these days everyone is pitching something: it could be their books, their workshops, their tele-classes, their retreats, their weed cookies, their artwork or whatever else.

I don't have a product to pitch. I just (in essence) "write shit, and publish it." Which is pretty much what I have always done.

I'll add here that I use the term "product" pretty loosely; I don't necessarily mean an actual tangible, physical product; it might be workshops, tele-seminars or classes.

Number 6: I Lack Creative Self-Discipline!

Whereas I have periodically been told that my writing is "really good," I can generally ascribe that to the fact that I only tend to write when I feel creatively inspired. Which is a pretty sporadic — and definitely not self-disciplined approach to creating.

In contrast, the "people" visiting my in-box all have in common that they are relentless publishers with a schedule that puts their stuff in front of me, sometimes every single day. Whereas I'll be the first to admit that this definitely does create a strong "personal brand awareness," it has never made me any more or less likely to buy something they have to offer.

Number 5: I'm a LOUSY Leading Indicator!

Back when I was more actively involved in business consulting and the business community, it was a bit of a joke among friends and colleagues that if I thought something was cool and desirable, that was a great time for everyone else to GET OUT of that particular field.

I'm only being slightly self-deprecating, there...

The point, though, is that very few people seem interested in things I'm interested in (or like), and I have little to no interest in things "most people" seem to think are "amazing!" And by the time I actually do? Those things have entered the final death spiral of the product lifecycle.

I'm actually a little worried, because I think HIVE is pretty cool...

Number 4: I Actually LIKE Writing!

Why's that an issue? Well, because writing is an activity/hobby I really enjoy, I don't feel inclined to "foul it up" by writing about things I don't enjoy writing about. Which points back to Item 5... and the resulting small audience I tend to deal with.

To be a little more specific, I have just never been any good at — or had any interest in — churning out loads of articles on "popular" topics, simply for the purpose of gaining a large following.

Number 3: I'm Useless at Keeping It Short!

Part of the whole numbered-lists style is that you get about 2-3 sentences to make each point, and move on. Unless you're addressing neophytes who wish to eternally stay neophytes on a topic, I have never been able to do a thorough enough job of delivering sufficient salient information in such a small space.

Part of that may have to do with my tendency to be self-reliant. I tend to not be one of those people who "just hires someone" if they need more than a rudimentary knowledge of something. I tend to absorb large volumes of information. Most people don't.

Number 2: Money Is the CONSEQUENCE, not the Objective

Keeping in mind that I am not referring to this community in particular, I have never been chasing the money with my writing, and hence I have also not been chasing whatever is "most popular," as mentioned earlier.

I have to admit, I don't "write to sell." Sometimes I write to make people THINK, but that's about it.

I write, and if it sells I'm thrilled. But being paid for an article is merely a consequence of doing a good job at something I enjoy, and NOT what's at the front of my mind when I start typing.

Number 1: I Just Don't "Think In Lists!"

But the single most important point — and the reason this article even came about — is that my brain just doesn't think in lists.

And that's what I noticed about pretty much every notification in my inbox: It was filled with "9 Reasons for This" and "20 Ways to Do That" and "12 Lifehacks for Something Else" type articles, ironically none of which made me want to read them.

Why would I try to create something I'm not a user of, myself?

And yet, in our fast-paced twitter-attention-span world, that seems to be what people expect. Or want even. The "Cliff's Notes" version of pretty much everything. A summary of War and Peace in 8 bullet points.

And there you pretty much have it!

Now I'll just wait and see if the $10 upvotes suddenly start rolling in because I have done things according to a successful formula... but I'm not gonna hold my breath!

Thanks for reading!

Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for this platform.)
Created at 20200619 16:48 PDT
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