Sorry guys. I'm about to SMASH the competition. I've been practicing clicking on links since internet browser tabs have been a thing. And if I got anything wrong, it was on purpose, so that I can mean-spiritedly edit my entry later after you shameless plagiarists try to claim my answer for your own. Or else did it for the contest equivalent of being "fashionably late." In other words, I'm fashionably early, with a fashionably, factually incorrect entry.

QuillFire is an absolutely amazing author and should be getting paid a lot more on posts than he does. He possesses the strategic vision of Napoleon Bonaparte, the satirical skills of Mark Twain and the eclectic yet tasteful sensibilities of Tom Selleck. Given his charm and charisma, Quill (not surprisingly) attracts the most beautiful women, most notably Sela Ward, and it is such magnetic persona that prevents other beautiful women like @jaynie from punishing his ass for his seeming inability to follow even the simplest of rules.

Nobel Prize for Literature.