Then I went back home this year, I got back into swimming, my favorite sport of all time. Ever since I got back into swimming, my confidence has gone up. My stress level was lowering and my medical check-up showed an improvement. However, there was still something missing. I didn't see that much result in terms of body shaping and I couldn't swim as fast as I wanted.

That's why, I started learning more about swimmer athletes and their workout regimen. I found out that they spend a lot of time inside the gym, which they refer to as dry-land workout. Long story short, that was the beginning of my gym story. Though I am no athlete, I trained like them and for me, it was not sustainable; I have many things to do besides working out.

The very first day, I started working out sporadically without any plans. I did aerobic exercises such as using the treadmill and the indoor bike for 30 minutes each. It was not easy and I was not accustomed to being on the treadmill.

Five days in and it was extremely difficult especially when I got into suicidal thoughts again; I was paralyzed and just wanting to succumb into those but I forced myself to get up and went to the gym. I told myself that I signed up for all this and that this year would definitely be different.

What happened then?

Building Discipline & Consistency

That moment was the beginning where I started building my discipline & consistency. There were days like that but I still went to the gym regardless. Eventhough my mood didn't improve and I still had the thoughts, for a fleeting moment; I felt better. From that on, it didn't matter whether it rained or not, I would go the gym and get the workout done.

Confidence Booster

I started seeing some results after just 2 weeks of going. The first time I noticed it, I almost cried at the gym. It's silly but it felt really good that I started seeing changes. My confidence level was up and it was not something that I had to fake anymore, it was something natural. It also boosted my confidence that all this is working. Now, after a month, I looked back at how I was and even people started telling me they saw the result.

Changed mindset

I am a quick learner and it's fairly easy for me to get good at something. However, my only problem is that I am fairly satisfied with being above average. This is why I am always outperformed by those who do not aim small. Inside the gym, I learned that to actually do something great, it takes patience and even repeated actions. Just like the weight training that I did. I can not instantly do 35kg and think it was easy. But now, it's fairly easy and my goal is 50kg for the next month. I also stopped chasing perfection and stuck to consistency more than perfection. Inside the gym I am basically trained to never just be satisfied but to push through my limits that I can do something I never thought I could.

Changed my relationship to food

For someone who was accustomed to yo-yo dieting and all those fast track diets, I didn't restrict what I eat. The first few days I eat like I normally would, anywhere below 2000 calories. However, some days I still indulge in unhealthy food choices. But overtime, by allowing myself to have one cheat meal a week, I did not crave any fast food or even high sodium food. Sugar was not something difficult to avoid. I generally don't add them but the hidden sugar was something that remains a challenge. However, it got better as now, I rely less and less to products with hidden sugar.

Faster Swimmer

Instead of swimming 6x/week, I trimmed it down to just once a week for an hour session. 1km to 2km aren't that hard anymore nor time consuming. It gets easier and faster. In fact, it's something that I find more relaxing after 5 days a week at the gym.

Swimming only vs Gym + Swimming

There are some differences when I do swimming only and vs doing it with gym. Swimming and going to the gym provides faster results instead of just swimming. Not just the scale that changes getting toned isn't just specific area unlike my experience with swimming before when I did that 5x/week. Though my opinion towards public gyms won't change, at least I am better now in navigating the gym scene. I do not do OMAD anymore but I eat twice a day with much better food choices than when I did OMAD. Instead of just eating low calorie some days and higher calories next, I consistently eat the same amount of calories even during my cheat meal day.

Do I start taking supplements?

Yes and no. When I first started I got into drinking a caffeine supplement product with other added ingredients like whey and creatine. In the past, though I took creatine, it was just for testing purposes. Halfway, I stopped taking the caffeine supplement and just stuck to coffee. I was almost tempted to start taking protein powder but didn't go through with it because I already have enough protein from natural sources. I still take other nootropics but they are completely unrelated to improving my performance at the gym.

This is not the end, there are two more months where I have to go through it all. However, this first month was quite eye-opening. Going to the gym has become a routine to me that it felt weird even when I had that rest day. Everyday, I am progressing with the amount of weight that I can do. From 10kg to now, 40 kg in all strength training. I started training my endurance as well through treadmill incline and the longest I hiked was 20km. Gym may not always be the answer to mental health problems. In my case, I still have those thoughts and unhappy but I admit, for a second I felt better just the moment I finished warming up at the gym.