I see your vulnerability, your courage, and your strength to share this, to talk about this, and to face it. Some people fear facing reality, or not feel their emotions to escape. But I admire you for going through all that. And yes, we may never understand immediately why things happen, we can only be open and receptive to the wisdom it will bring to us in the future.
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It took me a year or more before I accepted the fact that it happens to me. Everytime I tried sharing this before it always bring me to tears. But thankfully this time I am slowly healing and it gives me more strength to what's ahead.