Jeff: while we all have the selfish notion that we'd "rather die than having my loved one die", you know as well as anyone does that it is those who remain on this plane who suffer the most. Just as I mourned the loss of my mother last year, I know that it would have been far worse to leave my mother to mourn the loss of her son rather than the opposite. Loocy would be desolate without you - it's much better for you to be the survivor, as much as it hurts.