Life happens and we are left with what next to do. Many times, we get unexpected encounters or occurrences that leave us stuck with various decisions on how to navigate through the shocking moment, and because we weren't expecting such at that point, we feel overwhelmed trying to find the best way to solve the issues.
The first thing I have learnt to do in such a situation is acceptance. Accepting that it has happened and understanding that things like that happen, and when it is something bad, we feel it shouldn't happen to us. But it is what it is. Acceptance leads to solving the problem rather than ignoring it which leads to not attending to whatever life throws at us.
There are lots of stories that I have heard of how a child is adopted and nurtured by different parents and when the child grows up, they feel it is time to reveal the truth and let him or her know they aren't the biological parents. In a case where the child has been loved and cared for by the adoptive parents, he or she finds it hard to let go of them but to continue staying with them while he or she finds out who the biological parents are. In other cases, the child wanting to know the real parents may depend on different factors.
In my case, if I wake up one day and find out the parents who nurtured and took care of me aren't my biological parents, what would I do? First thing first, I am thirty years old already when I discovered this and having the adoption document serving as proof has said it all. There is nothing like they are joking with me. It's the truth.
What next?
The first thing I would do is to take my time processing the new information as I would still be doubting it even though the proof is with me. These are people I have known all my life till I became a grown-up lady. They have been my parents who have brought me up into the best lady I am. I will find it hard to believe. After all, my emotions would range from shock, confusion and even betrayal because I would feel betrayed in that moment. Why are they telling me now? Why not some years back when I was still little? What was wrong and why do they want me to know now when I have been deeply connected to the family?
All of these would take me time to process these feelings so that I wouldn't make a rash decision. This process would give me time to think of the next thing to do or say.
Then after taking my time to process the new information, I would start to reflect on my relationship towards the people who have raised me. How have they treated me? Have they been the best people I can ever be around with or those I wished weren't my parents? Knowing they have been the best in taking care of me, though the news may feel disorienting, the relationship with them is still real.
It's time to seek answers. I want to know their side of the story. I want to know why my biological parents left me when they adopted me. I want to know their reasons for not telling me earlier and why they are telling me now. After listening to their stories and reasons, and after understanding their perspectives which is fair to me, it's now time to look for my biological parents.
This doesn't mean I want to leave them for my real parents, I just want to meet them if they are still alive. I want to know why they decided to leave me for another family to raise me. Of course, I need to be fully ready and prepared for this. Is it something I am emotionally and mentally ready for? Is reaching out to them important or not?
Meeting them would be determined by what I have heard from my adoptive parents and if they are worth going my way to look for them, I will, and if not, I will continue my relationship with the ones who had raised me to this level while I still keep in contact with my biological parents, but if they are dead, all well and good. Case closed!
First image:RDNE Stock project || Second image:Juan Pablo Serrano
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That would be one hell of a discovery. Can’t imagine it happening to me
I have imagined it a lot of times because it is something I have witnessed and heard stories about. Lol
It's not something funny at all. So tough on the victim.
Finding out something of this nature can be tough on anyone, and I think with your response, you have handle the situation so well and in a mature way.
Things like this do happen and the best thing anyone can do would to to accept the situation and find the best way to move forward. !LUV
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Yes, it's always tough on anyone who experiences such a thing and one has to be matured to handle such a situation. The first thing is to accept it has happened while finding ways to solve it. Thank you for your comment 🙏
Lol, case closed indeed sis. It's like you were inside my mind when you were writing this post because all you said is all I would opt to do if ever I wake up to such news.
Yes oo. Case don close. Life moves on 😁
Na so
I love the part of acceptance at the first step to take. Indeed, accepting a situation is the beginning of finding answers to such situation
I love your perspective about this scenario.. indeed it happens and leaves people to a state of dilemma
Once the adoptive parents cares for me e.....every other actions becomes secondary
Yes oo. Some adoptive parents are so caring and nice that even when you find out they aren't your biological parents, you still want to be part of them. But in such a situation of getting such information very late, it becomes a dilemma but accepting that it has happeneed will lead to problem being solved.
imagining my parents telling me such thing, lol 😂 I can't leave them, the connections and love. I would have say the same thing you said.
Yes. Once the love and connections are real with them, I wouldn't leave them even though I would be in touch with my biological parents.
I really don't know how I would feel if I find myself in such a situation. I might just have to be myself for days trying to process the whole situation and be sure it's reality and not a dream. But at the end of day, I love my adopted parents and I will still choose to live with them forever, even though my real parents are alive.
Exactly 💯 calming down in such a situation will prevent us from taking rash decisions we may end up regretting later.
Well highlight. Your procedural steps will help you find peace. In my case, if at my age after being a parent myself, I got the information, it is as good as a for one issue.
Life continues. Whoever had been my parents for over four decades will never change.
Hehehe. Peace is what matters in the end and one just have to learn to be patient in handling such matter.
If you've indeed learnt about this for every shocking news you get to hear, that's really amazing because the truth is that once you've gotten to accept the fact that this is true, you literally are done with assimilating the news and it'll have less impact on you because you've already made peace with your mind.
Such a nicely constructed post👍
Exactly. Accepting that it has happeneed is very important so as to know the next decision to take later on. We will always meet with shocking news we never expected and learning to accept will go a long way fixing damages along the way.
You have given a very practicable way of handling the situation. It's not an easy revelation to handle. The reason for parting ways with one's parents is very important. If it was a situation beyond their control, it is very good to reconnect with them in good fate. However that shouldn't create a crack in the present relationship.