The Perfectionist's Flaws

I used to be the type of person that didn’t react well to being called out. And that was simply because I tried so hard to be perfect in everything from dressing down to mannerisms. I strove for perfection so badly and didn’t take it lightly if anyone made me feel like I was anything less.

But the thing about striving for a feat as impossible as perfection is that you feel everyone should be as perfect as you pride yourself to be and if for any reason they fall short, you subconsciously begin to look down on them.

My favourite subject in secondary school was English and Literature. I was good at them which made it all better. I liked the teachers by extension but there was this teacher I liked the most. She’d picked up an interest in me because she knew I was a bright student and let me sit at the front of her classes. She let me hold her books and she gave me encouraging words and even bought books for me since she knew I loved reading.

I was still in junior secondary school and the fact that a teacher loved and trusted me like that made me double up my efforts to ensure that I never did anything that got her mad. I chided people who spoke ill of her and coached my friends so they could also do well in English so that wouldn’t think I hung out with the wrong people.

Then something happened. We were handling a particular topic. I think it was “Registers” and I noticed that she kept making some pronunciation blunders on certain words. I found this upsetting because one of the reasons I was drawn to her was because of how perfect she seemed to me. Why was she making pronunciation blunders?

Because of how much I felt I respected her, I didn’t correct her outright like I’d have done. But to make myself feel better, each time she made a pronunciation blunder, I’d mutter the right one under my breath. I didn’t want to correct her and I also didn’t want my perception of her to change so I kept doing it. And as far as no one could hear me, it was okay.

What I forgot was that I was seated at the front of her class, right in front of her. And she had once told us how she was called “Wolfie” as a nickname back home. According to her, her family and relatives were discreet when she was near cause she had exceptional hearing. I didn’t remember this, of course, and even if I did, I thought it was one of her usual fun stories.

I continued doing the mutterings till one morning when I came to help my teacher hold her bag and she shouted at me, “Would you let go of my bag before I spank you?!” I could hear the astonished gasps of my classmates but it couldn’t be compared to how astonished I was. She had never raised her voice on me, let alone threatened to spank me.

I was such a crybaby back then and ran to my seat to cry. I concluded that she was probably in a bad mood and so the next day, I greeted her brightly but she glared at me and told me to cease disturbing her henceforth. My world was shattered. I cried for days. What had I done? How could I fix things? Had someone lied about me to her? But who would hate me that much? These questions ran in my mind for the next few days.

One morning, after two weeks of cold treatment, she called me to her table and asked why I was flunking my tests. I didn’t realize that I was and so I told her I didn’t know. She looked at me for a long time and told me to get a chair and sit in front of her. She then asked me if I knew why she was treating me the way she did.

I responded in the negative, already feeling tears form in my eyes. And then she told me how she’d noticed me correcting her in class. She talked about how she’d give me looks that said I should stop what I was doing but I simply ignored her and continued. That it was a grave sign of disrespect acting like that. And that muttering corrections instead of just telling her felt like I was implying to be smarter than her.

I was stricken with guilt and told her that I’d never meant to disrespect her in any way. She spoke to me at length about why my actions were wrong and how I should correct people that I love instead of making them feel stupid. It was one of the biggest reality checks of my life and after I duly apologized, she hugged me and things returned to normal. Somewhat.

Learnt a huge lesson that day on humility, respect and discernment that has stuck with me ever since.

Jhymi🖤

---

_{Thumbnail created with NightCafe Studio.}

Posted Using InLeo Alpha