This has been another great year for me. I do not want to go into the ‘slimy’ details but rest assured, I do look forward to what 2026 has to offer. Feels like I have been to hell and back the past few months and the only person I can blame for that is myself. Anyway, such experiences are what I cherish the most. That breath of fresh air after drowning for so long is always worth it (like dope). Today gave insight once more on why the bad times are just as valuable.
I do wonder though. Would these bad times ever stop happening or would I just build a tolerance so high and a grit so deep that I would not even notice I was in dipshit until after it has been solved? This year though, I think my tolerance for pain doubled. It’s not like I was always “miss resilient” but I certainly did not mope around like I would when things won’t pan out like I imagined. I have cried a few times from disappointments and rejections, gotten muddleheaded from a flurry of too much information, and noted more weaknesses I face when it comes to my professional life.
I seem to overestimate my abilities and this makes me take on more work than I can handle which leads to me disappointing people and then feeling shitty about it. So, I started learning to drop things I can’t do (which means thinking long, deep and hard), some not permanently but just to focus on what would pay me enough to sustain my family until I am well put together to handle that kind of volunteer work. I also learned that I am not a bad person just because I wish to get paid for my work. It doesn’t mean I am a money grubber for focusing on what actually puts food on my table, it is something I must do out of necessity.
Realising this doesn’t mean it was any easier dropping these tasks. It hurt more when I would think of being replaced because I loved these projects with my being. However, just because I need to stall time doesn’t mean people would wait on me. I had to accept that I would be replaced and that I am replaceable, which is not a bad thing. It means growth for all of us and that makes me happy. So, looking forward now, I take up my lessons with me in hopes for a better year ahead.
In this year, I silently and consistently honed my skills in video editing. There are a lot of phases to this that I would have to cover but for now, I am still focused on the cutting, montages, colour grading and those basic skills. As little as this is, it has gotten me paid. I have created PPT Slides and videos for some organisations and individuals (local and international) who would have me (some as volunteer and others are paid jobs). I hope to put my portfolio up soon enough.
This is just the beginning. I am yet to even begin to touch the surface level of all I want to know. I think the biggest thing that stuck with me this year (painfully so) is patience. When I would hit a block or a learning curve during the edits, when corrections are made and feedback is not satisfactory, when my gut yells “you know you can do better than that”, and I have to sit through all that, browsing YouTube, asking questions despite the nagging feeling that I am bothering someone, feeling my muscles cramp and my brain freeze because, “I don’t know what the heck I am doing” but I sit anyway because “I will figure it out” and then I do, then I’m on cloud nine and all those moments are worth it.
I am finding my inner child again. She comes out to play when I work and I freaking love it. Anyway, I look forward to the next year. I have dropped some applications and expressed my interest to volunteer for some organisations living by the mantra, “you can only be of value when you are of use”. Something I learned in one of the business/career seminars I forced myself to attend this year. I really have to learn to start taking more pictures and recording these moments. Another thing that needs working on. As much as I love my life in the shadows, I really like to see my wins.
That is basically me for the year 2025. With the year coming to a close, I forge ahead with excitement, big dreams and humility in my pockets.
