If I Could Play God In Changing Me

Source

Hey guys, my name is Imorobebi and I'm a bit nervous about perfection because this is my first time posting in this community. I hope you enjoy this.

Over the past 24 years, I have walked this Earth. I have grown, gone through turmoil, failed a lot, got a lot of wins, made a couple of mistakes, corrected myself, pulled a few stunts, and all that. Through these experiences, I have developed into a more mature and self-aware individual. However, I have also come to recognize certain flaws within myself.

Initially, these imperfections caused me to doubt my worth. I began to make unhealthy comparisons between myself and people I felt were more. But as I got older and wiser, I realized that my flaws were a part of me I could never change in a million years.

The aspect of my life I detest the most is a character trait where I tend to resist what supposedly makes me happy.

Source

I act as though I am not bothered; it is none of my business. I am doing great without people and feeling like I got it all figured out. But I know that's all a lie, a facade with no rational reason why. Like I enjoy the pain it costs me; The villain moments where I am misunderstood and seen as the bad guy. The businesses I put in shambles because I sabotage my own opportunities and procrastinate on pursuing my goals, leading to feelings of frustration and disappointment. At a point, I get fed up that I just want to split ways with myself, but that is more than impossible, right?

Another aspect of my life that I would prefer a little touch of
change is also the character trait of being "indecisive".

Source

The fact that I am never prompt in making decisions, almost never conclusive, is another aspect of my life that I think I need a do-over. Because it has caused me a bag of problems. I turn to people's opinions to make mine. At the end of the day, I tend to make a wrong decision. The worst comes when I am expected to make a hasty decision. I get stuck because I feel I need not be rash, considering all my options and their various turnouts. Unfortunately, unlike others, I am slow to stuff up all these things and then conclude on what move to make.

Yeah, I figured every person has a different path and turnout events. So someone elses experiences and turnout in a particular situation, as you, in most cases, are meant to be different. Because there are a lot of factors involved, these factors most likely never remain in the same condition as yours at the time. So taking "decision-making inspiration" from people complicates our own lives as ours is not a replay of theirs.

This took me a lot of regrets to realize. The funny thing is, despite realizing this, I still make the same mistakes.

If I could play god to change these aspects of my life, I am certain I would achieve a lot. From the right people, beautiful relationships, my peace, to mega businesses.