Thank you so much for these thoughts towards me in these moments! Acceptance is something that I struggle with in the sense of trying to make sense of what happened, that I did not manage to say goodbye and have a real conversation with her. In the same time I feel somehow that I can't do anything at this point. My mother told me that I should accept that some decisions of older people do not have to make sense and maybe my grandmother did not want me to see her in her last days . It is difficult to accept that I can't understand some things. Life does go on and it has to, regardless of my pain. I have moments when I feel guilt and moments when I feel an intense sadness and I just sob. I have short moments when I almost try to forget and then I feel guilty because I should mourn. It is a very difficult process for me as it is the first time when I lose a loved one like this.