How am I supposed to feel after the loss of a being as important in my life as my dad?... It's been 25 days at this point, but beyond knowing that my dad is in a better place, away from the filth of human feelings and the impurity of earthly pleasures, we who are left, his family, have no manual on how to live without his presence.
I apologize for talking about this topic again, but as I have said before, Hive is the best place to vent, and my world at this moment is wrapped up in the transition we are currently going through. As I say in the title of this post, only the strongest pillars stand, and boy these difficult days many people pretend to make us think they are part of that beautiful treasure called family, but words are carried away by the wind; only actions show who is really there and who is not...
We find ourselves living the worst moment of our lives, the strongest moment in the history of my little family. Beyond the love and joy of being accompanied by our partners, the reality is that now only my mom, my brother and I are left. We are not a large family, but we are a beautiful and special family. I never thought about all the attack that people throw at families in times of mourning, whether with intention or not, but I think that here in Venezuela education is so bad that most people do not understand how far they can go.
Many people want to be part of your pain and pretend that you comfort them when we are the ones who are really devastated. Others tell you how you should feel, that you should not cry and how you should act, without knowing if we are ready or not, and until you thank them, wipe your tears and smile, they do not leave quietly, because they want and believe that everything will be erased only by their meddling. The worst of all are the people who even today approach you to find out what happened and how it happened, in fact I confess that I have no compassion for them.
I understand that life is difficult for everyone and that everyone has their own reasons for being or not in our lives; to be more specific, I resent the people who did not dedicate enough time to accompany my dad in his worst moment, in six months where he needed the constant company of the rest of the family and friends, but that almost did not happen. In fact, they abandoned us in December, emblematic days for us. The past no longer matters, but they are the same ones who keep telling you that you are not alone and who believe that a text message asking how you are solves and erases reality.
A very sad part of this story is the people who seek to destroy family togetherness and who put their stupid feelings of envy and emotional shortcomings above our mourning. I believe that a person who attacks us directly at a time when we feel so vulnerable and who does not understand what this event means to us does not deserve to be in our lives. There is too much to accept, accommodate, change, learn, unburden and drain to be wasting time apologizing for if we made a bad face or did not realize your existence at a time when we do not even remember our name because of the pain that overwhelms us. No matter how many material things you give or do, in a family like this one, love for each and every one is what is valued. What's the point of making cookies every day if you're going to sit there and eat them and criticize one of us?
Personally, I haven't even gone back to work, so I'm still working up the courage to continue to deal with all kinds of people and reactions. We all have different ways of acting, but in this era of mourning I have learned that I have always acted in the right way on this issue. I have never overstepped my bounds with anyone. I always come right out and say I'm sorry for their loss in a quiet moment, no matter if it's even been a while, because life tells you when you can be a pain in the ass or when you can't be a pain in the ass. But to try to get the whole story of what happened out of the family member is disrespectful (in my opinion). Maybe the problem is me being so secretive...
Hello my brother, it's great that you use the blog to let off steam, this space frees us from tensions and helps us to put many elements of our lives in order beyond the usual content that we can offer.
In a grieving process there will always be 2 visions: the one of the one who had the loss and the one that surrounds the one who had the loss; and in this second one there will be many but many normal distortions that occur because you and nobody else that you know better the pain that you live...
Both your brother, your mother and you, will have something that differentiates you in terms of grief management, better said, the grief of each one will not be the same and in this spectrum we find the grief that you carry together as a family, and the individual grief. During the family process, the day to day will allow you to get to know your individual grief and adapt it to that of the other so that there is always a balance that does not disharmonize both the coexistence and that space that should not be allowed to be invaded, that sacred space that you 3 should take care of taking into account the memory of your dad...
The disappointment you feel is very normal, the important thing is that it does not turn into resentment because the emotional burden will be greater for you, in this case, to move away from those who are not aligned with what you feel or think will be necessary because it is your healing process that is at stake... some will understand and others will not, that will also be part of the adjustment that you will have to make in your family and social circle.
That is not a bad thing, it is something indispensable, what you cannot allow is that the emotional integrity of the 3 of you or of each one of you with respect to what is related to your father, is not attacked or violated... you have to achieve a great self-control to be able to take care of the sacredness of the moment.
I believe that when the time comes to address the issue with people from your work or someone close to you, you will do it well even if inside you feel like not talking... this will allow you to have many readings regarding people and keep by your side those who are not invasive or aggressive, because people like that are never missing!!!!!
A hug my brother, live your process without stopping and without stopping doing what you love both for you and your family especially your dad, who wants to see you more successful and satisfied at all levels and always seeks to drain into something positive, this you did here is a great therapeutic tool, take full advantage of it ... I love you very much.... You Rockkk!!! 💖
My mom, my brother and Jhoxiris are the most precious jewels I have left at this moment. I cannot allow anyone to soil my treasure, least of all on my face, let alone at this time of so much pain. Everyone is welcome as long as they understand the concept of RESPECT... It truly is a sacred moment for us. I don't think I resent anyone, but in the midst of the pain and silence one can observe and learn.
I am glad to meet people like you through blockchain, not only because you have become a friend, but I have learned a lot from you because you are a pro at everything, especially psychology. You don't post in that niche, but you have helped a lot of people through your work in that area, including me. thanks Fernando!
Totally agree my brother, respect is crucial in this process, you have to take care of that emotional stability... you will be able to consolidate that to keep moving forward!!!!
You can count on me as a friend, brother and professional.... thank you for your words my Bro and you know that it is with great pleasure that help.... You Rockkk!!! 😘💖
Saludos @jesuslnrs,Hoy te acompañe en tu post y la verdad que desde tu experiencia aprendo de un proceso que todos llegaremos en algún momento con nuestros padres, se que es algo inexplicable y por lo que veo genera cambios fuertes en el tema de pilares familiares, creo que tienes mucha razón con el tema social, la gente debería ser menos imprudente o generar comentarios mas educados, la sociedad siempre es un reto, espero que pronto agarres la fuerza para volver al trabajo, se que lo vas a lograr, bendiciones en tu día.
I'm glad you feel the same way brother. Not that we have the definitive word, but I think life and education has brought us to a point where one recognizes what is right and what is wrong. I know we can all think and act differently, but nothing like that respect that allows for harmony and knowing how and when to say things... A hug my friend!.
Expressing your emotions and feelings, even when there is discomfort towards certain people, is an important part of your healing process. God's timing is perfect.
Amen Rosana!. I really appreciate your words and they are 1000% right. If I learned anything from all these months is to leave everything in God's hands. We are not in control. I can only ask to continue to have tolerance and that prudence greets me daily through my fellow men and women...
No words my friend, I totally agree with you. Who has not been in the difficult moments, will never know of situations like this and will never know that actions at the time are worth a thousand words. Greetings.
That's right Maestro. And indeed opinions are welcome. But I believe that all adults and conscious people know how to act in such moments with respect to the person concerned. Whatever differences there may be, respect and prudence should be the common factor. Thank you very much for your support!...
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