Go Touch Some Grass #03.2: At The End Of The Road (Part 2)

Hey, you. Yes, you.

There is no grass.
(Please save Elsie from touching grass in the middle of the road. Seriously.)

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The time difference between this post and the previous post isn't that far, but as promised, I will be updating you all regarding the burial. (PS: It's already Monday, though I've almost finished writing this by Sunday)

If you haven't caught wind of my previous blog in question, kindly look at my posts instead here.

MAIN MENU:

-> The Afternoon Before [Thursday]
The Long, Harrowing Road [Friday]
To The End Of The Road [Sunday]
Please Touch Some Grass Too

The Afternoon Before [Thursday]

Thursday, 2 days since my grandma's passing. I had to go to school alone despite online classes. Since yesterday (Wednesday), I've excused myself from classes since while I'm still able, I was suggested against attending even online classes. It was peacefully chaotic at home, after all. Chaotic in the sense that we waited for the funeral home to pick her corpse up.

An early morning scene en route to school.

I rode the bus with my older sister, which isn't that usual if you'd ask me. Preparing for ourselves all by ourselves made me think that we're finally adults. And this pic, I only took this for the sake of homework for Art Appreciation. Went to school for missed exams. How it went is not something I'd like to share, thank you.

...

And then, landing myself into Pacific Mall, I found myself at World of Fun (which is at the 3rd floor), looking for more pictures I can slap onto my homework. And then there's this family who left the karaoke booth with free 3 songs left unused, and they found ME. Well, although hesitantly, I took the chance to sing those free songs while taking the picture for whatever purpose it may serve me. It ended up here instead, lol.

Also me while singing:

"I'll be soooo dead if they found out I was singing a bit out here, haha"

And then, on the way out, since Pacific Mall isn't really that far from home, I thought of one more place to take picture of... and so I decided to walk my way home, just to take a picture of this:

I can hear my older sister telling me how bad I am in choosing places for pictures. Haha... But that's graffiti! I need some graffiti for my homework! Sorry not sorry for her, lol.

But anyhow, being able to return home alone, I feel like...

"YATTA!!"

I swear, finally owning the house for yourself for looooonger hours, that's already a bliss! Back then, I'd be greeted by my grandma when I arrive home. But it's not just your usual "how's school" kind of greeting and such. It could either come in two things:

"Get me up (from the bed)."

Or...

(cutely) "Jul, I pooped." [She did.]

Don't tell me such statements are ever going to make your evenings after a tiring day at school. Thankfully she's cute when she smiles about her mishaps. She's sure not funny for that, but fortunately cute.

MAIN MENU:

The Afternoon Before [Thursday]
-> The Long, Harrowing Road [Friday]
To The End Of The Road [Sunday]
Please Touch Some Grass Too

The Long, Harrowing Road [Friday]

Remember the homework which I was gathering for? Breaking news: We had to sleep early, lol. So homework what??

Friday, 3 days since my grandma's passing. Of course we left before 4 AM, and while it was not at all pleasing at night, it was rather okay when we were on the way.

If only I know Parkmall is this quiet at 4 AM, why wouldn't I go to here at this early? As if I'm even allowed to. (sigh)

And then, hours later:

On notice: CR out of order. Only discomfort available.

Brooooo, whoever thought of that for a notice inside should be given a raise. I find it witty on an otherwise somber travel back to the province. Not that I always go back there every other week, though.

And this, every time I see this, it makes me feel that I'm getting closer to where I live. Beautiful, no?

At least that concludes about my trip on the way to my province. About how I made my way to there, I rode a bus (just in case anyone would ask).

MAIN MENU:

The Afternoon Before [Thursday]
The Long, Harrowing Road [Friday]
-> To The End Of The Road [Sunday]
Please Touch Some Grass Too

To The End of The Road [Sunday]

We didn't do much on Saturday. After all, I've submitted my homework that Friday night, fortunately. (Actually, I wasn't able to take pictures that day, hence nothing to share)

And so, Sunday, 4 days since my grandma's passing. In short, the day of her burial after three days of wake.

If that Friday morning was rushed, needing us to do this at this hour immediately, same goes as to how my morning went on this Sunday (which, fun fact: as I write this part of the GTSG episode, it was exactly this Sunday. So yes, for the first time, GTSG has something about on same-day postings. So much about the blog...)

One last look of my grandma's casket

And then...

We rode a tricycle on the way. These people in front of us actually are from the mountainous parts of the province, descending down just for today.

It was a dusty road ahead before reaching the church, and then...

We finally arrived, hearing a band playing those solemn burial songs. Death march, probably? Dunno the pieces, but... ???

The van which had my grandma's casket is not the van being opened, so therefore, a mass burial???

And apparently it is.

Seeing two other caskets, with my grandma's being at the middle, it broke my mood all throughout the mass. I may be nitpicky, but I'm not having any good feeling with sharing a solemn moment with other families. IDK where I'm getting it, but I'm having it — and I don't know what this feeling is.

Is it because today is not just the day for just us to say goodbyes to her, but de facto for others as well? Is it because I've pictured out a different kind of burial mass? Not grand, but at least a time for others to openly share their goodbyes, and now the setup isn't giving us that chance? I could only ponder so much, until a thought came in. A very unwelcoming thought.

"'At the end of the day, at least I no longer have anyone to take care of' is just what they'll tell me. Can't they at least recognize the hardships I've been for three years and even before that? Can anyone tell me those exact words, like 'You've done enough. Rest easy now.', some 'thank you' or even a tight hug as I let it out? Can't I? Can't I? Why can't I? I couldn't cry because I've lost her, but I could only cry because how much I've lost myself, and I'll only continue on losing every single little thing I can find, which already is what little of myself have left. Someone... someone..."

I hate that I look like a mess at the church, trying to stop myself from crying. I actually want to leave the mass to let it out (however alone I aim to do), but my older sister said no. So I look twice of a mess. However, am I selfish for thinking like that?

And at this point where everyone (or almost everyone) cried, looking at my grandma one last time, oh, how I reveled in seeing my dad and older sister shedding tears. For once, I find their reactions amusing.

Schadenfreude.

And after everything that happened from the church all the way to the cemetery...

It all ends here.

...

Ironically, the whole thing made me feel tired about it, and when I returned home... yeah let's just say that I continued crying out of that same reason, perhaps.

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While this whole update isn't as long as the previous, I just want to say thank you for reading up to this point. To be honest, I ended up getting bothered , asking myself what my point is about sharing all this, feelings and all to you. But then I remembered that GTSG is my diary, and that sharing shouldn't really bother me. I brought this upon myself, after all. I really couldn't say enough, but yeah, thanks. And now that it's Monday again (from the time I wrote this part), I'll be on my way home to the city, because well, face-to-face classes. So again, thank you, for everything. And of course, Elsieyaaaa all soon, on the next (much more lighthearted) episodes of Go Touch Some Grass, or on the first episodes of both Meme-Hunt Diaries and Pixel Linguistics [I have never forgotten about the two; I am merely setting up the games I'd wish to feature, hehe~]

As usual...

Please touch some grass too!