Growing up and even up until now, there is everlasting advice my parents often gave to us when we were anxious and wanted to get to the next stage of life. My mum often said, “Life is a stage.” Even to this day, she is always quick to remind us.
But it’s the truth. We always aim to get to the next level, which in itself isn’t a bad thing. But what happens when we reach that level? We look for a new level to aim for. It almost makes it pointless, as though we are in a never-ending race.
If I could travel back in time to my younger self, there are so many things I would love to tell her. Having lived on earth for close to a quarter of a century, I have definitely gathered some experiences and wisdom along the way, which I think will be very helpful to little me.
Reflection and frequent introspection are really powerful and helpful. It improves self-awareness, healing, and direction. It’s true that we cannot change the happenings of the past, but with some reflection, we can take note of mistakes made, avoid them, and help shape our future better.
Advice to Little Ifunanya
Trust your intuition more than external voices.
There have been multiple occasions where I silenced my gut feeling, because the words of a friend made more sense. And time and time again, the resulting outcome either made me super uncomfortable or was subpar.
I know I tend to stay in my comfort zone a lot more than I should. And it has left an impression on my intuition. It has made me more protective or rigid over certain things, and that is something I hope to work on in the future. But as of right now, I believe it is safer to rely on my intuition because it hasn’t led me astray yet.
It is not your job to make people happy
I came across a video where a girl personally attacked me 😅. She said, “For all you people-pleasers, in your long career of people-pleasing, how many people have you successfully pleased? My jaw dropped to the floor; my flabbers were ghasted.
It put things into perspective for me. Because if you think about it, people will only take you for granted when they see that you don’t have a backbone and you only say things to please them. They’ll quickly and happily take advantage of you.
I would let my little me know that it’s not worth it.
Motivation Comes after you start
If there is something I have noticed about productivity, it’s that discipline trumps motivation. If you can form the habit of doing things and stop the procrastinating, the motivation will come afterwards.
A prime example of this is writing this blog. When I began writing, I honestly had only one point to tell my younger self, which was the first point I put down. If I had used that as an excuse to not write the blog at all, I wouldn’t have known that more points would come to me as I began.
And that’s exactly what happened. As I formed these sentences in my head, it stimulated my thinking faculty and brought me new ideas to write on. And in the middle of writing a sentence, I would pen down the new idea and then continue.
So the same applies to everything. The motivation will come when we start, even when we don’t have “enough resources.” Start with what you have.
Failure is a necessary part of the journey to success, so learn to emotionally detach from failures.
I wish I knew that failure was not a reflection of who I was but only a testament to the fact that I was trying and just hadn’t gotten it yet.
I used to be so attached to the outcomes of events. If I wrote an exam and failed, I would let it ruin my self-image and stagnate me. If only I had opened up to someone and seen that it wasn’t really a big deal, I probably would have started working on fixing the problems that led me to the failure in the first place quicker.
If you fall, assess the situation, figure out why you fell, and move forward having learned from the error.
These are but a few words of wisdom I would eagerly and compassionately pass onto my younger self. I would then give her a big hug and tell her that I am rooting for her and that she’s not alone.
I imagine if your past self heard you tell her all this she would feel more confident.
Knowing you, you're a great and loving person even without passing the knowledge. So let's imagine you've successfully passed this word of advice to her, you'll be superb.