What is your best relationship advice?
I thought the hibiscus flower in my hair would be forever, but as I stand here by my window, looking down at the City's sparkling lights, I reached out to my hair, they weren't there. Oh I remember now! There's no hibiscus today, they wilted long ago, just like your promises, fleeting, fickle, feeble.
If there’s one thing that I really wished for growing up, it's that I live a long, happy life, sharing it with someone I truly care about. I dreamt about the perfect spouse, perfect children, a perfect home and then growing old with that perfect person. However, that was not to be.
I mentally go back in time to analyze everything about the relationship and to figure out what actually went wrong. Why I wasn't enough? What it was I did so wrong? What it was I didn't do right?
And after so many years of rehearsing these questions and giving different versions to what could have caused me so much heartache, I finally figured out what I could consider a blue-print, not fool-proof though, but enough to make me better.
And in my brain, I hear again and again, " I wish someone told me this sooner! I wish I had known this earlier! Nothing prepared me for dating and relationships, not the high-school curriculum, not even the home I grew up in. I was only taught to be a reasonably good person. So for me, it was pretty much trial and error. And in due season, I did learn the hard way! Just like the hibiscus goes through seasons, I went through it all, learnt from each of them, glad how opportunity presents itself to bloom once again, wiser and stronger than ever before.
If you’ve recently started dating someone, are you curious about how much potential you have as a couple? Do you ever wonder just how good a match you both are? This is where the music literally begins, this sets the tune for the ballad.
Do you pay attention to red flags? Do you ignore the handwriting on the wall even when they appear in neon light the entire time? The success of your relationship is dependent on who you choose in the first place, your compatibility tells if someone is possibly a good fit for the long run. The only formula for measuring compatibility that I have picked up on my journey is; examining all the aspects of your relationship and noting the areas you and your partner are in synchrony and where you are experiencing conflicts. Be very realistic and then be truthful to yourself, you seriously owe yourself that. Love might not be enough to conquer incompatibility.
And when you do 'pass' the compatibility test, relationship is lots of hardwork and it would pay to pay attention to the tiniest details.
Respect, respect, respect! You must have deep respect for each other, you must value each other’s individuality and none should see the other as their property or the one to dance to their whims and caprices. Respect therefore is very vital to the health of a relationship.
There are times when you both are split on decisions, some compromises needs be made and by both parties, it is very selfish for sacrifices to be one-sided. THAT CAN'T BE LOVE!
Every couple fights so it's normal, except of course if it borders on your self respect. If your self-respect is under attack, move on.
Be self dependent, I mean be fully dependent on yourself, emotionally, physically, financially, socially. I say again, be independent.
Keep expectations realistic in any relationship, whether in marriage or just dating, there's no superman or superwoman on this planet, no one can be everything we might want them to be. That goes to show that healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.
Lastly, remember you are the hero/heroine of your own story, so you must work on your self first, before taking a step further.
No matter what you experience in your relationship, don't think you are a failure if it doesn't work out. There are probably still good memories to cherish plus it's a season to learn and grow.
Love, like the hibiscus, remains pure and beautiful, but it can also be very unpredictable, flourishing this moment and fading away the next.
This is in response to an initiative of @ericvancewalton, to make us walk down memory lane and relive those moments long gone, keeping them alive for our future generations.
Here's the link
In a year from now you’ll have a legitimate memoir that you can pass along to future generations of your family. But what I really hope is it provides a valuable glimpse into your inner self.
Thank you @ericvancewalton for this noble initiative. 😊
I am @edith-4angelseu and thank you for stopping by my neighbourhood.
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Some great advice Edith. Give and take is always on my list amongst other things!
Wishing you a great week.
Thank you so much, for coming around TG😁
Hello @edith-4angelseu
This is @tengolotodo and I'm part of the Silver Bloggers’ Community Team.
Thank you for sharing your excellent post in the Silver Bloggers community! As a special "token" of appreciation for this contribution to our community, it has been upvoted, reblogged and curated.
Thank you very much 🙏
I loved how you used the hibiscus metaphor throughout the text, about relationships are so complex.... Good post, my friend @edith-4angelseu.
Thank you very much my friend ❤️ lots of hugs.
Very good advice, Edith and great use of metaphor! Growing up in 70's/80's America what we were taught about love (mainly through movies and TV) was unrealistic and unattainable. This put us at a great disadvantage right out of the gate. Recently I've heard an "influencer" on social media say that when you boil relationships down to the their most basic, women want to be the center of a man's universe and men want to be appreciated. I found that interesting but think it's more complicated than that. I would choose kindness in a partner over almost anything else at this stage of life. Kindness is more rare than a lot of people realize.
Kindness and a goodheartedness would always win the day in any relationship, I would choose those too Eric. Thank you very much.
Old love stories 😊
Thank you 😊