We are discussing this issue because of the mixed reactions this post by Kingsley Okonkwo is generating. And It is good to look into the scripture to get the right perspective.
First and foremost, the decision for a woman to submit to her own husband is a biblical injunction; it is not man's idea. It's what God instructed Christian women to do to their own husband.
The idea isn't a secondary notion or something to decide on after you get married. Also, it's not a gift. It's an instruction.
Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."
The reason God gave this instruction is stated in the next verse, 23, which says:
"For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."
So clearly here, a woman who makes it a thing of choice to submit to her own husband, not as an instruction from God to observe, has already disrespected Christ.
Why?
The line of authority is God - Christ - Husband - Wife. This is the biblical narrative.
Even as a man is the head of his wife, Christ is the head of the man, and God is the head of Christ.
A woman who violates this order because she thinks she is doing her husband a favour by submitting to his authority is already disrespecting Christ. She's in error.
This is the reason I always counsel women to not disrespect their husbands because of their pastor. Did you see pastor in the equation there? No.
Church authority is an entirely different situation when it comes to the union between a man and his wife. The moment you disrespect your own husband, it is God you are disrespecting, not just the man.
Let me explain this further: For example, if you slap a policeman or a military personnel in uniform, it is the government of that country that you slapped. It is this simple. In court it is the government you face for assault.
This thing is so important that Paul instructed Titus in his pastoral letter to him to teach the older women to live in a way that honors God, so that they can train the young women to love their husbands and children (Titus 2:3-4).
Marriage is not something you jump into because your friends are getting married or because you are far gone in age. If you know that you will not be willing to come under the authority of the man, jettison the idea.
Marriage for Christian women means to come under the power of the man you are taking to be husband. In other words, God expect you to defer to his authority.
You are not an authority sharer with him, which means, you are not his partner. You are his wife. Christian marriage is not partnership. It's not 50-50. The man is the head of the union.
When you are dating, it's secularly ideal to call him your partner. But it is not so in marriage. He is your head, while Christ is his head, and God is the head of Christ.
Christ is a mystical union of head and body with Jesus as the head and the church the body. This is what Paul was illustrating in Ephesians.
A woman who has no respect for her husband is actually slipping back to the curse. She's taking herself away from the coverage of her husband and God's Word.
God put you under your husband by your own decision to marry the man of your choice. So why are you finding it difficult to accept his authority? You saw the man and say you want him for marriage, isn't it?
Wives, you are honouring God's Word when you submit to your husband. It was not your husband who told you to submit. Do you know more than God? So your submission is not a gift to your husband. It's an instruction.
If you are a true daughter of Sarah, you should have no challenge submitting to the authority of your husband. Sarah your mother called her own husband Abraham "Lord." Lord means MASTER. Your husband is your MASTER.
Stop allowing unruly and disobedient women who are having issues with God to counsel you. Also, stop looking for avenue to dishonour your husband. Thank you.
Uhm. Here’s my take “the wife should be submissive and the husband should also be respectful and loving”. The fact that your wife is submissive doesn’t mean you should treat her with disgust.