Abuse in relationships

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Photo by Luis Galvez from unsplash

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It is so sad that the World we live in nowadays is full of so much abuse. It's either emotional abuse, cultural abuse, or even physical abuse. The death of the Nigerian gospel artist, Osinachi Nwachukwu was really sad news and what made it worse was the fact that it happened one way or the other, as a result of domestic violence.

I honestly don't know how love can turn from showing affection and caring for one another, to punching and kicking. I haven't met the special someone yet, but I sure as hell, would never do anything to hurt her.

No one really knows exactly what is going through the mind of abusers (be it male or female) when they are abusing their partner. It could be that they have gone through traumatic experiences in the past, or perhaps they see it as a norm because their parents' relationship was like that, some even do it out of paranoia. That being said, it is unacceptable. If you have problems you should go get the required help rather than putting someone else through pain.

One of the things that makes domestic violence and abuse in relationships worse is when the people that are being abused refuse to speak up and choose to die in silence.

Why don't they speak up?

They refuse to speak up because they feel that if they speak up about it it may get worse. Or they might be blamed for not doing it right. I don't know about other places, but over here in Nigeria they believe the women should be submissive. So whenever there is an argument, the first question that is asked is "What did you do to make him act that way?”. These types of situations usually make female victims double think about the situation and sometimes they start to see It as their fault.

There are some who can't voice out because they don't want all of the benefits they are enjoying to come to an end. While there are some who refuse to open up because they are afraid it might ruin their reputation. Some claim they still love their abuser and don't want to end the relationship. "He'll change" they say.

There's also the very small category (mostly men) who are afraid to voice out because it may sound ridiculous. "How will your wife beat you oga."

How to avoid domestic violence and abuse in relationships

First things first, you have to value yourself. Someone who values themselves will never allow themselves to be maltreated by another person.

Another things is to never ignore red flags. Nothing like "I can change him" or "I can change her''. It is not your job to change anyone. It is not your job to change anyone. You're not their therapist. Once you see signs that the person isn't the right one, flee.

Also, do not enter into a relationship for material things. If one of your reasons for entering is because of what they have and not who they are, you're setting yourself up.

All that being said, if you happen to find yourself in an abusive relationship it is best you speak up and not die in silence.