Albus’ 39th Birthday Meal: Sheetz (gas station) Quesarito

Not my 39th meal of the day, but rather, the meal of my 39th birthday.

I know it’s trash food, I know!!! But today is my birthday, and this is one guilty please I still really enjoy when I allow myself the opportunity.

Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this burrito since I saw this post from @cmplxty . I know this is far from authentic cuisine, and it’s definitely made out of processed, pre-packaged crap - but man, I freakin love these things. I used to eat one every day. I was a lot heavier back then!

Nowadays, I tend to have one on Veterans Day, and one on my birthday. …and maybe I’ll squeak one in if I’m out that way and feeling like a terrible treat.

I prefer real Mexican food, but this thing rests in a class of its own and, if I’m going to talk burritos here, it is imperative that I start with this bad mamma jamma.

It starts with two large tortillas and a generous heap of shredded cheddar betwixt them, melted to perfection. Then bacon AND shredded steak, because, this obviously is not the time to start getting conservative. Then a small mountain of scrambled eggs is tossed with a fistful of Colby-Jack cheese, rolled in a bed of jalepeño slices, showered in a downpour of habanero sauce, and comforted with a pillow top mattress made of tater tots.

I only bought this 16 oz junk beverage for a size comparison, but I guess since I got it I’ll drink it ;)

According to local tradition that I made up just now, the ritual for consumption consists of playing peekaboo from behind this giant monstrosity,

Then you undress it like it’s a girl in a Pearl Jam song (you know, untouched, sheets of clay?)

And then you wolf that bastard down like it offended you in a past life!!!

The key is, you have to wolf it down quick as possible. If you take your time, your body will catch up before you finish, and it will tell you you’re full - that you should stop. In the old days, I’d re-wrap it and snack on it as the day went on. But these days, I prefer wolf-mode. I should have weighed it before I ripped into it, I would have liked to have been able to equate wolf-mode to a pounds per second ratio. I’m disgusting, I know.

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Thanks for checking out some more of my work! As always, I hope you enjoyed witnessing as much as I enjoyed creating!

© Photos and words by @albuslucimus, except where otherwise indicated.

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