ENGLISH
I always find it weird that once you're approaching a certain age in my society today, people especially friends and family begin questioning why you're not in a in a relationship and what exactly it is that you're waiting for. After several questioning and pressure, they'd begin to conclude that there's something wrong and that you need help in the relationship department.
This is something I find very unpleasant and common even among teenagers. Once there is a person among their group of friends that doesn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend they'd begin to laugh at such person and make the person feel like the odd one out, while pushing such person and setting him or her up to a potential mate.
It is even more common with parents in the African society especially towards their daughters that are age 24 and above. Once they realise their daughters are not showing any sign of being in a relationship, they'd begin to pressure them while comparing them with other girls their mates.
They forget that there are several stages in life as well as priorities which are completely dependent on an individual's goals and mindset, hence comparing one person with another in terms of relationship status and pressuring them into one is something I do not appreciate because our lives do not revolve around dating and marriage alone.
The constant pressure from parents towards their daughters often causes long-term problems because the daughters will have to succumb to pressure at some point and will go for whoever comes their way in a bid to please their parents. This results in heartbreak, unhappiness and broken homes since they'd end up with someone they barely know not really interested in.
People need to understand that there are stages for building our future, career, finance and lots more. Although some people may be able to balance all these with their relationships, several others cannot. Hence it will be wrong to pressure anyone into relationships because we all have priorities and the right to our choice.
See you on the next one
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Previous videos in the series:
Understanding the African reaction to Pansexuality!
The African Mentality on Women expression
Nigerian women and the mentality of relationships as a means to an end!
A date with eighteen +1 ladies!
The Mentality of control in relationships!
Can you take back a cheating partner?
Deliberating on Love and Money!
Is getting married an achievement?
Regards!
uchihanagato!
SPANISH
Siempre me parece extraño que una vez que te acercas a cierta edad en mi sociedad actual, las personas, especialmente amigos y familiares, comiencen a preguntarse por qué no estás en una relación y qué es exactamente lo que estás esperando. Después de varios cuestionamientos y presiones, comenzarían a concluir que hay algo mal y que necesitas ayuda en el departamento de relaciones.
Esto es algo que encuentro muy desagradable y común incluso entre los adolescentes. Una vez que hay una persona entre su grupo de amigos que no tiene novio o novia, comenzarían a reírse de esa persona y harían que la persona se sintiera como extraña, mientras la empujan y la convierten en una pareja potencial.
Es aún más común con los padres en la sociedad africana, especialmente hacia sus hijas que tienen 24 años o más. Una vez que se dan cuenta de que sus hijas no muestran ningún signo de estar en una relación, comenzarían a presionarlas mientras las comparan con otras chicas sus compañeras.
Olvidan que hay varias etapas en la vida, así como prioridades que dependen completamente de los objetivos y la mentalidad de un individuo, por lo tanto, comparar a una persona con otra en términos de estado de relación y presionarla en una es algo que no aprecio porque nuestras vidas no giran en torno a las citas y el matrimonio solos.
La presión constante de los padres hacia sus hijas a menudo causa problemas a largo plazo porque las hijas tendrán que sucumbir a la presión en algún momento e irán por quien se cruce en su camino en un intento por complacer a sus padres. Esto resulta en angustia, infelicidad y hogares rotos, ya que terminarían con alguien que apenas conocen que no les interesa realmente.
La gente necesita entender que hay etapas para construir nuestro futuro, carrera, finanzas y mucho más. Aunque algunas personas pueden ser capaces de equilibrar todo esto con sus relaciones, varias otras no pueden. Por lo tanto, será un error presionar a alguien para que tenga relaciones porque todos tenemos prioridades y el derecho a nuestra elección.
Nos vemos en la próxima
¡Miniatura y transición diseñadas con Canva!
Videos anteriores de la serie:
¡Entendiendo la reacción africana a la pansexualidad!
La mentalidad africana sobre la expresión de las mujeres
¡Las mujeres nigerianas y la mentalidad de las relaciones como medio para un fin!
¡Una cita con dieciocho damas +1!
¡La mentalidad del control en las relaciones!
¿Por qué el amor se desvanece con el tiempo?
¿Puedes recuperar a un compañero infiel?
¡Deliberando sobre el amor y el dinero!
¡Saludos!
uchihanagato
▶️ 3Speak
To be honest, we shouldn't enforce people into a relationship or marriage but should be a voluntary decision. A lot of relationships fail because the parties involved don't even love each other but are only trying to please their parents, friends and society.
Absolutely. In the process of trying to please their parents, bad things happen.
Really people should not be forced into a relationship.
A lot of people end up in the hands of wrong partners because they've been pressurized by people around them to be in a relationship, even when they have not seen someone they are really interested in.
Unfortunately, that's what the African society has always been about - force and control without caring about people's feelings.
Forcing people into marriage without them having any true feelings for themselves is like wishing for a toxic marriage. Parents and guardians should let go of their selfish ambitions and think about their children's emotions.
Do you think selfishness will ever end in the world? I doubt it.
Especially here in Africa, they think everything is about relationships and marriage. Very wrong sense of priority.
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It's true that people shouldn't be forced but also, the forcing of a thing matters at some certain age especially in this side of the world, our culture is wired that way
Against their own will? I'd have to disagree. We should have the right to our choice. Advice should only be given but not force.
I later realised at some point that force is the language that a majority of African society is built upon. Force and control.
This is common in our region today, we just have to get by it every day and accept. Some people believe that if your friends are in a relationship and you are not, it means you're not up to the level and they want to put pressure on you.
Meanwhile your focus is on something else
Yes, and this kind of mentality needs to be eliminated due to the problem it causes in the long run.
They don't understand that people have different focus and priorities.
I can't blame anyone because it's way it has always been for a long time and we don't like and don't change much. African parents wants to have a grandchildren or something that's one of the joy they can derive from growing old
Even at the expense of other people's happiness? That's why I'd always say that our tradition in Africa is one born out of selfishness and the need to control other people.
In reality, nobody should be forced to do what they don't want to.
But if you were a victim of circumstance at any point, what would you do?
Peer pressure is the major reason people often leave their goals behind and begin to chase after things that can wait till some other time in the future. Much worse than peer pressure is parents comparing their children with other children in a bid to push them into relationships/marriages which they are not ready for.
Spot on Mr. I've always hated that comparison thing. It's so so annoying and really gets on my nerves. We all have separate goals and separate timelines, hence we can't all possibly achieve the same thing at the same time.
I've had my fair share of pressure in the matters of relationships. It's weird that people think you odd anytime you mention not being in a relationship.
Like why don't they just let me be.
A majority of then prefer the single life after realising how miserable they are wirh the wrong partners. Unfortunately, instead of ending it, they'd prefer to push others into relationships too just to rhey wouldn't feel alone in all of it.
It's a shame init.