Seriously I understand you fears, I don't know if it happen to other people, but I don't use to be really happy on my birthdays, though I don't use to show any anger as well, I just do appreciate my maker for adding another year for me.

But deep down in my heart, only me know the extent of fear and anxiety that comes with my birthdays, especially when the previous year was short of my expectations.

So like myself, you don't have to keep nurturing it.
You've to confront it, working your best and having the hope that better days are coming as we grow older, while living in the fullness of each moment of the day, so won't have anything to wish for in the past