C1500 is running again. This is not a happy story.

Last year:

Today:

This truck has been needing some love and attention, and finally demanded it a week ago today. My no start problem turned out to be the MAP sensor. Short story made long follows, and your heart will break, so if you don't want that, please move on.

It was Wednesday, June 16th around 3:45AM, I was about 20 minutes from my pillow when a heater hose busted open to mist my windshield with coolant. I had a new thermostat under the seat with a couple other items on the 'very next things to do' list. My thermostat had been sticking shut, so I drove with one eye on the temperature gauge, and I would just goose it a little and the thermostat would pop open. Had to do it usually once a day.
I was on the phone. The conversation started before my homeward journey, and as a result of never putting the phone to my head and always using the speaker option, I was holding the phone directly in the line-of-sight of my temperature gauge, and did not goose it when it started getting warm. I don't text and drive, and 90% of the time I don't talk and drive, I don't answer it past a glance to see who it is, and I'll pull over to call. This kind of scenario is exactly why, another occasion to curse myself for lack of common sense. I let it sit for 20 min, limped it to a truck stop a few blocks away, parked under a light and pulled out a roll of tape and a gallon of water (always carry tape and water). That got me home and to the parts store the next day. After I got it together, I called my buddy Rich, who has a mobile repair service and made an appointment to double-team it on Tuesday, June 29th. Two bros, making the work go fast! Resolving minor issues and doing preventative maintenance! I do this sort of thing mostly out of necessity, rarely for the joy of it. A lot of it I do backwards. I am sometimes a dyslexic troubleshooter, and this will likely never be my field of expertise. When it was fuel, air and spark things were a little easier - but since it's fuel, air, spark and permission from the computer, I'm always calling a buddy after Haynes has told me all it can.

MON JUN 28: No start. I'm not hooking up a trailer and pulling a mower anywhere. I suspected the ignition control module, since I recently bathed it in radiator fluid. I had a used spare, condition unknown, and installed that. Didn't work - got a ride to the parts store, forgot to bring old ones to test, came back with a new one and installed it. Didn't work. I changed the fuel filter and proceeded to watch youtubes.

TUES JUN 29: First thing I did was break the connector from the distributor to the module, which crumbled into 5 or 6 pieces. I didn't know which pin got which wire, and it's the connector that keeps you from doing it backwards. I was googling schematics and calling product information, customer support asking, "which is positive: white or blue?" (which is what yellow and green look like under a bug lite), and finally got my answer from the manufacturer: green. During the research, Rich texted that his stomach was messed up and he'd be sitting this one out. I have a complete tune-up standing by, but the plug I pulled looked plenty good enough, and I knocked the crust off of the old cap and rotor, and my gut says it's good. I proceeded to watch more youtubes, many with a good view of the wiring configuration that confounded me earlier.

WED JUN 30: My buddy Bob came by after lunch with his half-blind, half-deaf old dog Sasha. We used to be immediate neighbors, now separated by a couple dozen miles, we usually meet at the diner. I was afraid the resident doberman would try to hump or otherwise molest Sasha - she is recovering from a stroke and stands shakily - but a few introductory nips and barks and some butt-sniffing, and they were fine. Bob also brought a fuel pressure gauge and a more appropriate spark checker. We confirmed good spark and we seemed to be getting fuel, we checked for vacuum leaks. It rained, so Bob left. I wanted to see if I had water in the tank and replace the fuel pump while I was at it. Around midnight I decided to drop the tank, and after a couple hours of rounded, corroded bolt and nut frustration and too long in positions my neck doesn't like, with sweat dripping onto the part of the lens I would be looking through if only my glasses would stay on my face, I decided to remove the bed. I took the bed bolts out, disconnected the wires and filler tube, and watched more youtubes.

THURS JUL 1: My buddy Cody helped me lift the bed off. My fuel pump instructions in bold print said to replace strainer, which didn't come with the new pump. I put the old strainer back on, checked for line leaks, and moved on to replacing that sticky thermostat, and also the temperature sensor. I cracked the thermostat housing. The daily rain delay had me doing this past my bedtime, and I fell asleep to Chevy guys on youtube.

FRI JUL 2: My buddy James chastised me for putting the old strainer back on - "You're turning a problem you're going to have in 5 years into a problem you're going to have next year!" He recommended I clean my grounds and focus on the cold start circuit, which Bob had said with different words. My buddy Bob is a saint. He loaded up the old girl and stopped by the parts store on his way back for another round. We got rained out again. I watched some youtubes and ate peanut butter on pumpernickel for the fifth day in a row. I have other stuff, just didn't want to prepare it. I get pumpernickel - it's delicious, and white bread shows how filthy your hands are.

SAT JUL 3: After it rained I replaced the idle air control valve and it started up without anyone spraying fluid into the throttlebody, but it wouldn't stay running. The instructions said the valve would not be properly adjusted until I was driving at 40mph. I replaced the throttle position sensor and went back to no start. I had another midnight youtube session, focused on the computer and those things I just put on. I took a paper clip and jumped A and B on the port my code checker doesn't fit. It did things that didn't help. I went to sleep.

SUN JUL 4: The property on which I am parked is not owned by me, and the owner has made it clear he does not need or want a lawn ornament. I get one more shot and then it's tow time. But today no wrenching. Every Sunday at 3PM (Wednesdays at 8) I can be found at the Buckingham Blues Bar with a pile of other musicians. This is my natural habitat, and it is the best way to reset my own computer codes.

MON JUL 5: I've rallied all the troops I can (Rich and Bob). Bob wisely waited for the rain to quit before loading Sasha and heading over, and Rich drove up 5 minutes before he got there. I was putting the new strainer on the fuel pump and Rich and Bob, who had not previously met, were getting acquainted. Sasha and the doberman were wandering around the back yard. I got the fuel tank buttoned up, reconnected the battery, and Rich tells me to turn the key. After no start he pulled the vacuum line off of the map sensor, and it started. We had about 5 minutes of feeling better about things, and then we heard the dog squeal.

Now I have to tell you about Mable, the mule. She was in the front yard. As Bob was offering to run up to the store and grab the new sensor, we heard the ruckus and went to investigate. We rounded the building to see the mule mercilessly stomping Sasha and biting her neck. It was difficult and dangerous to get her to stop. No good deed goes unpunished, Bob. I am guilty of murder by negligence - I have twice been told that Cody's dog is lucky to have survived, and I watched that mule stomp a pitbull that kept coming back for more. Mable was penned up the first couple times Bob was over, and I knew she was out this time, and didn't think to caution Bob. Old Bob crying with his dying dog in his arms is not how I saw this day going. We've got some wind and rain coming to suit the mood - I hope my bed doesn't blow away. Sasha was a good girl. God bless Bob.