The Biggest Bad-ass of the 1900 Century

Sit down and come hear one of the coolest tales that has ever been told.

In 1844, an elderly Chinese woman lay dying in some bed, in some house somewhere in some town. If you lived in this some-town you might recognize her as the owner of the local brothel or casino ("Or I might not recognize her at all?" Yes you would). She would have arrived in your town one day with more money than you had or ever would see in your life. She would have set up shop in your town, have lived, a quiet life as the most cutthroat woman you ever met and died. However, while you or I might have been lost to the annals of history this particular woman would not. To you she was Madame Ching but to the British, Dutch, Portugues and Qing Dynasty she was Captain Ching Shih the Pirate Lord.

In her youth, Captain Ching had devastated the Coastline of the Qing Dynasty, destroying towns, decimating trade routes and oh and also sacking an entire armada of some 100 ships sent to capture her. Things got so bad the Chinese Empire had to step in, asking for assistance from the British Empire, and capture her. They failed by the way. Miserably.

And in the end she got to keep all that booty.

You see Captain Ching first appears as a lowly prostitute, the wife of Cheng I, a badass in his own right. However, after Cheng died for whatever uncool reason Ching saw an oppurtunity and capitalized on it big time. She decided she was going to use the "allainces" she had made (she was a prostitute, connect the dots people) with other captains and her late husband's adopted son, to take over the fleet. Which she did awesomely.

Once she started running the show Ching wasn't taking no shit. She began a pirate code of conduct that would make Vlad the Impaler say "Hold on now, she did what?". Steal from her? She chops your head off. Attack a town she likes? She chops your head off. Rape a captured female prisoner? She beats the living shit out of you, makes you wish she chopped your head off, and then chops your head off.

For the next 10 years, Ching would up and down the coast giving the Chinese a royal fuck you while she plundered here, did some pillage there, and sank a diplomatic envoy that the Chinese would like to keep ALIVE.

Captain Ching just didn't give a shit. And when the Qing got tired of her being a pain in the dick they sent a massive fleet after her and instead of hiding like some little bitch (which I definitely would have done) she went out and blew the living shit out of them capturing some 50-ish ships in the process.

In 1807, the chinese, with their tail between their legs, called in their big buff friend the British to help and when the British rolled up their sleeves and said "Alright step aside wimp" they came at her followed by the sound of screaming and a little girl begging for mercy (The little girl in this scenario was not Ching)

In 1810, after having exhausted EVERY option and frankly running out of ships, the Qing dynasty extended a full offer of amnesty to Ching and allowed her and her 17,000 men to keep all of the loot and some 200 ships if they agreed to stop killing everything. Ching, by now getting bored of kicking the ass of one of the most powerful navys in the world, agreed and she settled down to open a brothel/casino and die at the plump old age of 69.