I was moved to write this post today after reading a fellow steemians post @tarazkp, bout his lovely wife and daughter and the struggle they went through when she had to stop breastfeeding.
As a mother of six I like to think I have a little bit of knowledge to share on the subject.
BREASTFEEDING IS HARD!!!
IT IS NOT ALWAYS THE MOTHERS CHOICE TO STOP!!!
IT IS ALSO NO ONES BUSINESS IF YOU DO OR YOU DONT!!!
That being said, everyone always seems to have an opinion and apparently the need to share their opinion with you even when it’s not wanted.
I have experienced it all. With my first baby I took to feeding her like a duck to water. She had her first feed within 20 minutes of her birth and it was all smooth sailing....until she turned 8months old. Then it all went crazy. I could not keep up with what she needed, no amount of lactation cookies could help me.
Holding your child and listening to them cry because they are hungry and you can’t satisfy them makes you feel like a complete failure. On doctors orders I had to put her on formula. It was heartbreaking. Adding insult to injury were the horrible things people said to me when I would feed her in public.
One woman even had the nerve to tell me that perhaps if I had waited til I was older to have children I would have been more responsible and able to breastfeed instead. I might like to add that I was 22 when I had my daughter, not that my age should have any reflection on my parenting.
Then baby number 2 came along. Again, I found breastfeeding as easy as a walk in he park. Master 10 had some health issues when he was born and as such I was told the longer I could feed him the better, so I did. Again I was met with hostile comments and derogatory remarks, from friends and strangers alike. This time for not stopping breastfeeding sooner!
Master 10 has always been a big boy, he was nearly 10 pounds when he was born and by the age of 2 looked more like a 4 year old. When I feed him, even privately in mother’s rooms at the shops I was often met with stares and rude comments, often from other breastfeeding mothers. “He’s to old to breastfeed.” Or “can’t he just eat proper food”. I even had one mother hand me a jar of baby food. The pain this caused stayed with me, even to this day. No one should be shamed for feeding their child.
Then number 3! By this stage I had experienced it all. Shamed for not breastfeeding, shamed for breastfeeding past the accepted age (as if there is such a time). I had also decided that with Master 7 no one was going to shame me in any way. If he breastfed or had to have a bottle, I was going to stand up to anyone that felt the need to have an opinion.
That’s just what I did. The opportunity came around rather early on. He must have been maybe three weeks old when half way though my grocery shop he decided he was hungry! So with a trolly load of food and two toddlers in their trolly seats what was I meant to do. So I continued to shop while feeding him (he was in a baby sling and I was being discreet, not that it should matter).
Thats when I had a woman tap me on the shoulder and tell me that I shouldn’t be feeding my baby in the store, that I should leave. My response was polite and blunt. I simply said that according to Australian law I have the right to feed my baby where ever I like. But if I was making her that uncomfortable I would be happy for her to continue my shopping for me and look after my cranky toddlers while I went and sat quietly in private to feed my baby. Needless to say, she had no response and made a hasty exit.
That day marked a new beginning for me. I would call out any person that thought they had the right to comment on my breastfeeding. Smart remarks or unwanted advice was quickly met with a harsh does of reality. “Mind your own business”.
I have spent 10years and 8months breastfeeding my children. I was blessed to be able to do so. It was not an easy task all the time, I had my share of dramas. But each step of the way I did what was best for my babies. As does every mother.
It is about time people stopped and thought about how their words are going to impact someone else before they speak. It’s time people realised that a you can’t tell what someone is dealing with just with a glance. It is also time people learned that when it comes to breastfeeding or bottle feeding, the most important thing is that the child is being FED!!!
Thanks for reading.
People simply like to be nosy and comment on things which they have no clue about and it is none of their business. I had opposite reaction, I did not lactate at all, and in hospital, while the baby was screaming for hours because it was hungry they didn't want to give me a bottle of formula, because "it is most natural baby food", like I didn't know that. After long argue they finally gave one and my baby boy fell asleep instantly after feeding. Same happened with my second boy... As you said most important thing is that baby is fed...great post!
I had a friend with the same problem. The hospital staff were atrocious. She didnt know what to do so finally I went out and brought her bottles and formula so she could feed her daughter. Then I gave the midwives a piece of my mind. She had a c section and couldn’t leave for three days, I felt so bad for her.
They should be free to give advice but respect the choice their patient makes, sadly some are not so supportive.
Thank you for writing this @mumofmany there is too much pressure put on mums when it comes to how we raise our children. Like you said , there is someone always finding fault in our choices. Since when did motherhood become so undervalued. So true, it is no one else's choice, all our experiences are so different. It really is important for mothers to be given the respect and support they deserve. It is such a huge important role we have.resteemed
Exactly, everyone is different. Mothers, especially first time mums need nothing more than support. You don’t have to agree with someone’s choices but you should respect them.
I agree entirely!! I switched to formula almost straight away for the little man's feeds and there was sooo much pressure that breast is best. I had my excuses on the ready but it's sad I had to use them! It's a mother's business how she feeds her child as long as the weight gain is there (which again is her responsibility to monitor - not others). Good on you for all the hard work that has been put in!! 😄
Thank you.
People are so quick to judge, it’s a shame you had to have excuses at the ready, but I did the same thing.
I think people forget that formula is a life saver for some babies! A point that needs to be reinforced a little bit more I think!
that's a great last line and is ultimately what it's all about. I loved breastfeeding and was sad when I stopped. I thought I was never going to experience that connection again with my children. But it's seven years ago now and i've probably forgotten the endless saw nipples and sleepless nights.
It is sad when you have to stop, but you find you connect with them in a new way. It’s a constantly evolving relationship between mother and child.
I did a big Hurrah for you when you told that woman off. You handled that wayyy better than I would have.
It really isnt anyone's business. The bottom line is the baby is getting fed and it's healthy. Full stop.
Why they even feel the need to stick their faces in there I don't know. People like that drive me nuts. Especially the ones who always feel the need to express their unsolicited opinion. People need to get over themselves.
Good on ya for drawing the line and sticking up for yourself. 🥂
It took a while but once my mummabear instinct took over I was not one to be trifled with lol.
On several occasions I may have even thrown in an expletive or 2!
People absolutely need to mind their own business!
read your history, it is terrible to think what is, a good post likes me thank you to you that you were shared out with by us
Thank you
When we had kids, everyone had an "opinion" and something to say. Every baby is different and those opinions will probably not apply anyways! Just gotta do what works best :)
I know, people need to learn that they are entitled to an opinion, just not entitled to share it.
I have never met a parent that wasn’t doing their best for their baby!