ROFL - you have a serious fear of spiders biting you on the face, don't you? Actually, I do too. :)
I use Dawn original mixed with shampoo as a flea shampoo for my dogs. While it's non-toxic and works great, it's only a temporary fix. My one pup gets a bath every other day. Poor thing's allergic to fleas. But, it works!
I may have to try that on the ants and I wonder if it works on roaches. Our "new" place has more holes than Swiss cheese and I've been gassing myself with bug spray and bleach! UGH!