I’ve been having these thoughts lately. I guess I need to flesh them out. They’re thoughts about health, science, mind, and emotion. I’d like to think that I have grown out of anxiety – the sort that affected my decisions, emotional well-being, and even my physical health. My peace. But maybe I just became really good at closing myself off to the hard parts of life. It’s hard to tell. I mean, don’t we have to make those sorts of decisions, like closing off, in order to make room for better choices? Better environments?
I’ve taken a new attitude towards my self – whatever that self is – and my intuition leads me to view the total of my functions and expressions as a whole, rather than view them in their parts. My thoughts are not divorced from my emotions, nor are my emotions not intimately connected with my thoughts. My physical body is likewise no less connected to the other two, and all these parts play and affect the others parts. In some moments, I can see this interplay as though standing beside it all…as a sort of witness.
You know, intentions mean everything. And it takes a lot to see the underlying causes of our intentions, the intentions beneath the intentions. And…this puts me in mind that integrity becomes a sort of base goal, a foundation that all goals, and all expressions, should be based on in order to be the most authentic ‘me’ I can be. So it obviously follows that to live the most authentic life, to be as present for it as possible, I need to be as self-directed as possible, and in order to do that, my various systems and parts need to be as harmonious, healthy, and functioning as possible. There needs to be an even and uninterrupted flow of communication with them. I need to be as undisturbed as possible. Have you heard of the term Ataraxia?
So here is what is bothering me lately: I live by my intuitions and my gut feelings. I know that there are too many choices in life to make them all, and so I weigh the perceivable consequences of choices, as and when they arrive, and I make my decisions, little decisions and big life-changing ones too, based on the consequences that I am most willing to marry myself to. What feels most right. Does that make sense, dear reader? Marry myself to? Anyway, it is far too clear to me that my gut health directly affects and effects my emotions, my body and the health of all its organs, and my thoughts. So what is really eating at me is, how can I trust my gut feelings, if my physical gut is not healthy? How drastically does that change how I show up for life, my loved ones, and sunny days? How can I have real integrity if I’ve allowed my gut to be diminished? Or poisoned? Or not attended to? How does this affect me? This mind? Self-identity even? Oh, God…how I see other people and the world? How I treat it all?
I see it as a dance, and as melody and as rhythm in one. It’s beautiful when it is in tune.
So, in order to love the very best I can love, I am making these choices…for the consequences of them. I run trails so that the world is a better place for people to live. I am vigilant with my diet, so that the world is a better place for people to live in. I tie strings around my fingers, and leave furniture in the way – to remind me to check in with my thoughts and inner dialogs and to ask, “Is this string of thoughts healthy? Do my deeper intentions tie into harmony or discord?” So that the world will be a better place for people to live in! If I am the best man I can be, if I put the effort in, and if I align…and balance…then I bring more to the people around me. I bring something nutritious to the environment. And happy people around me make me happier too…like spiraling up. And I just know, deep in my gut, that this is what makes the world better for all the creatures to live in – the creatures seen and the unseen creatures too.
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If I send out positive messages, it will set a chain of healthy thought processes.
Indeed. Just like a smile can travel distances we wouldn't sometimes consider. I'd like to add that as I've worked with this, I've found that by attending to my intentions, by looking at them closely or shining the light on them, they tend to become more positive intentions by nature, and the effect of that is that I am sending out more positive messages without the effort. All the time. This leads me to conclude two things: That there is a difference between compassion that is willed and compassion that arises naturally; And that empathy and compassion are actually us...our true nature...the true Self. And that is Joy. Thanks for the comment! Peace!
Man, do I resonate with this! I'd love to have a conversation with you someday. As hard as all this is, I know, you're ahead of the game. You've got it wrapped around your finger, right there. Stuff, some never figure out in a lifetime. Pure, pure intentions. With consideration for others.
Knowing it and applying it are two different things. I struggle with that, anxiety and gut health. It steals my joy and I'm pretty certain it's directly related to my anxiety. The anxiety lives in my stomach. (even on days I don't think I feel anxious) It can take me from high vibration to extremely depressed very quickly.
But, without my anxiety I would never have been open to explore all that life had to offer. The contrast defiantly has made way for so many things that I couldn't imagine not knowing and experiencing now. It's a journey.
I really enjoyed this post. :)
Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the post!
I agree, knowledge and application are two different things, but knowing that, we are very well equipped to use life to gain wisdom...in the moment. First, maybe we just need to set aside the notion of "destination," and just make that destination the "now." It's a thought...
And along that same thought, if I have no perfected destination to compare the moment to, it seems that I can feel a deeper turn of gratitude. ...Maybe even be so bold in that moment as to think that if validation is the remedy as well as part of the cause of anxiety (requiring more validation), then giving plentiful and honest validation to others can unwind the knot at the root of my own anxiety.
Anyway...I have this theory that validation and gratitude are intertwined, intimately, up and down, and that anxiety can't exist in an environment of unconditional gratitude. The theory continues along the lines that there is nothing wrong with us. And so we can make our gardens as big as we want them to be - by investing in each present moment. There has to be something to that, because anxiety is the only thing I can see standing in the way. Maybe giving validation is letting go of energy, and one needs to only know the underlying intention to manage where one needs to be more liberal and where one needs to be more conservative. If this is happening in the present moment, then that moment is a pretty important moment after all.
Just some morning thoughts...