Wow Kenny! I havent resonated with a piece of writing like this since I read Martha Beck's How to Tune to Your Inner Wisdom. http://marthabeck.com/2013/10/inner-wisdom/ It was huge for my growth. Your post hit very close to home for me. I too have had an issue with honesty my whole life and just like you, for me it stemmed from wanting to avoid punishment from my parents and teachers growing up. It translated in to some big issues for Cat and I. After a call with Stefan Molyneux of all people (this was many years ago and he was a very defferent person then) we realized that my childhood fear of punishment led to dishonesty as an adult. I was spanked as a child and would do whatever I could, including stuffing batteries in my back pockets, to lighten the blow. I always blamed others and never took personal responsibility. It was always someone else's fault. So cool to see you come to a similar understanding and work on healing your lack of integrity with your word.
I've also struggled with gas-lighting and not being honest about how I am feeling when asked. While reading your piece I had a realization that me not being honest with myself or others about my emotions is yet another instance of me not being in integrity with my word.
The "act as if" strategy I think can bear major fruit for me. Often times I find myself in a funk and I am conscious and mindful of the funk but I can't break free of it. I know that things dont have to be as they are for me but I find myself wallowing. In those times, I am going to call upon "act as if" and work to lift myself out of the despair and self loathing. In those dark moments, that is who I am, but it isnt who I have to be. I will "act as if" I am a perfect and beautiful human being capable of accepting and facing my difficult emotions and working through them so I can be at peace and balance.
I also feel you on the work getting in the way of the work. I often times experience a pinnacle in my self growth and then lean back in to my work, neglecting the maintenance necessary to remain in balance. Your article and the tips and tools you share have inspired me to get back in to the swing of things with my self-work.
For me some good tips and tools include:
- daily exercise
- mindfulness practice
- self love, mainly doing what brings me joy
- forgiving myself and others when I or them slip up
- focusing on what I have rather than what is lacking
Thanks again Kenny. I have really enjoyed your writing and it was great to get to hang out in Acapulco. Cant wait to see you in Austin!!!
So wonderful brother! I'm glad this resonated with you, and really love doing this kind of content for exactly this reason!!
My early years of "waking up" involved a LOT of Molyneux, because he used to put out a lot of great content haha. Those call-in shows were always so, so great, and I definitely got a lot of help on this path from him.
I have to say, of all the tools, quotes, insights, etc. that I've gotten, those few words: "act as if" has definitely been the most potent. I started acting as if years ago, and now for the most part I just am, minus the little hiccups. So I keep moving the vision forward, to a better and better possibility that becomes clear as I move in the right direction, and just keep acting as if.
So glad my journey can help you on yours, and I'm very much looking forward to dropping in again soon. Love you brother!