THINGS GUYS ARE MEANT TO KNOW BUT SOMEHOW DON’T!

Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do.

I’m starting to think that this sentence right here, was not only meant for those who crucified the Lord.

I think it is meant for those guys who say that women are complicated -- I object! lol.

I put it to you that such a statement is unequivocally fallacious and utterly erroneous, in other words, it’s a load of bull.

So my sisters and I made a short list of a few things we think a guy needs to know- we are utterly jobless. But here’s the list anyway. We called them crumbs for some reason I do not remember. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: We are not psychologists, and have no degree in anything concerning human behaviour. Just goofing around. You've been warned.

CRUMB NO 1: YOUR FOOD IS NOT YOUR FOOD

Food they say is a basic necessity, and since yours truly prides herself on being a somewhat shitty food connoisseur -- very shitty, we shall start from food glorious food first.

You know those times when you’re taking a stroll with her or you’re ordering takeout and she says she doesn’t want to eat or she’s on a diet? Yeah, you should probably buy enough for you both.

The rule of law whenever you buy food in front of your bae is your food is not only your food; it is and always will be for both of you.

Even when she says she’s not hungry, you better buy enough for yourself and an extra mouth, cos trust me, once you say you want to start eating, another hand will magically appear. So to avoid any problem, it is in your best interest to comply.

CRUMB NO 2: THE YES/ NO CONUMDRUM:

I don’t know why this particular thing is an issue, it’s very simple.

A woman’s no is her no and her yes is her yes, except sometimes when her no is her yes and her yes is her yes and her yes is her no-shikina! (that’s the equivalent of “simple” where I’m from).

My brethren, I leave you to make heads or tails of when she means yes or no, you are on your own and so help you God.

However, I can only give you an instance of a yes meaning no situation.

It’s the weekend and you are chilling with bae, when suddenly your guys call you up and tell you guys to turn up in a wild party, bae says she’s too tired to go or she aint got no clothes but that you should go anyway and have fun.

Please, don’t go, for the love of all things good, and even if you go, do not have fun.

If the gods of wherever you come from have buried your sense somewhere, go to the party and come back with stories of your shots on shots and drunken fondling.

Only then will you know what you’ve done.

CRUMB NO 3: WORRYWART:

“Don’t worry, there's no problem”

This is the biggest lie, I mean untruth ever (bae never lies -- minicrumb).

If she tells you not to worry, please put on your worrying cap and worry like tomorrow may never come.

Make sure you know every detail of the “worrying” situation, in case she tries to give you an unexpected pop quiz.

Try your best to find out what’s wrong and start trying to solve it quickly, cos if you don't...well, the block chain remembers and so does she

Remember, everyone needs support.

CRUMB NO 4: THOU SHALT NOT SAY I TOLD YOU SO:

If you value your life and all that it encompasses, never, and I mean never tell her “I told you so”.

That is a death sentence right there.

If she losses cash in that shady online ponzi scheme you warned her about, consolation and ehm... possible remuneration is all you can do.

Don’t gloat, just dote.

And the cardinal rule!

YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT😉

Due to pure plain laziness, I will stop here. I am neither an expert nor a guru in these matters, so if you take my quack opinion seriously and land yourself in a pile of turd, it’s your cup of tea. Just for laughs.

Remember the cardinal rule- She is always right, even when she’s wrong. Hope you had your fill of my crumbs, now run along pigeons.

Peace!

Image credit goes to Pixabay.com

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