The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

 Democratic Senators are considering sweeping  legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The  Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative  goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills  and ambition.  "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not  possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful  role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We  can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be  ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no  longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers,  simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."  In a  Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of  the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing  opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government  level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of  hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).  Under the Americans  With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be  created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility,  thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.   Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to  guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The  legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote  a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into  middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and  medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every  two talented hires.  Finally, the Americans With No Abilities  Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to  discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory  interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that  relate to this job?"  "As a non-abled person, I can't be  expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said  Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM  plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember "righty tighty,  lefty loosey". "This new law should be real good for people like me.  I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz  and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at  the end of the tunnel.  Said Sen. Dick Durbin II: "As a senator  with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials  enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is  our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,  regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up  in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."  This  message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein,  Barbara Boxer, Maxine (WaWa) Waters & Nancy Pelosi.  

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