Even I didn't want to know that.
Another day, ruined.
It's probably for the best though and that's why I'm wearing these rubber gloves. I'm afraid to touch anything of hers. This pen. Do you know where this pen has been? Have you seen her sucking on it? Should I burn the damn thing?
What about all these books here? Is every page just a breeding ground for herpes? Is she trying to raise herpes like livestock?
Does she spit when she talks? Are all of you students in the front row getting splattered with herpes every day and don't even know it?
I don't get hazard pay.
You people sit still. I'll be right back!
Twenty minutes later...
Sorry I took so long!
I want everyone to find a partner. Once you do that, come to the front and grab one of these rolls of plastic wrap I borrowed from your cafeteria. One of you holds the roll, the other grabs the end with their teeth and starts spinning in circles until there's no skin showing. When you're all wrapped up, your partner will poke a few holes where your nose and eyes are with the scissors provided, then you can find your seat. The original wrap holders will pair up, do it all over again, and we'll keep doing this until there's only one student remaining. The last one loses and has to get the fuck out because I don't know what kind of critters you have crawling all over your skin.
Go!
Twenty minutes later...
Okay class!
Good job!
Wasn't that fun!
Now I feel safe.
Now I can do what I was born to do and be the best substitute teacher in the history of part-time jobs!
Tim! Why are you still standing there? You lose. Vamoose! Go! You're unclean!
Today's Lesson:
How To Make Sense of a World Full of Nonsense
What the hell does that even mean?
Is your teacher drunk?
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Pardon me, students. There's someone at the door.
Oh! Hello Principal Kunty! What brings you here today?
Young Timothy is crying in my office right now. He said nobody wants him because he has herpes. Have you noticed any strange behavior? Have his classmates been bullying him again?
No. These students have been nothing but a joy to work with and I look forward to coming back to your fine establishment again in the future. I really like it here.
Well I'd like to come in and talk to the students...
Are you sure that's necessary I mean, you're a busy guy, I'm sure I can handle it...
It's no problem. These anti-bullying lectures only take a few minutes and... Oh my god what's going on in here!
Is there a problem, Sir?
Why are these children covered in plastic!
For my protection, Sir.
Your protection?! Is that one even breathing! Why did you do this!
I didn't do it. They did it to each other. It was a game. Timothy lost and he's just being a poor-sport. Of course they're breathing. Can't you see the holes?
Get that plastic wrap off of the students, now!
And expose myself to the dangers of herpes! Are you prepared to go to court, Sir? I can't work in these conditions!
Herpes? Do you even know what herpes is? Who told you these kids have herpes?
Your school secretary sent me a text last night and asked if my services were available. I said yes of course because I really love teaching and then I asked for how long. I didn't get a text back until three in the morning. It said something about doctors, herpes, maybe three days. Upon arrival, I could see the herpes crawling all over everything so I wanted to make sure the students were safe.
Mrs. Alottapuss is on bereavement leave. Her husband and three of his friends were killed in a boating accident. Let me see the message you received.
Sure! Look. See! It says right there, "Herpes."
Who's Sarah?
That's my ex-girlfriend. Why?
Sarah said, "You have three days to get here. Going to the doctor. I think it's herpes."
Sarah has herpes?
No. You probably have herpes! Get this plastic wrap off of these kids, and get out of my school. I never want to see you again!
This is discrimination! This is no way to treat someone who's dying! I am a sick man here!
I can see that! Get out!
You can see the herpes, too?
Get out!
But I want to be a teacher!
You'll never teach in this town again!
You said that the last time!
Go!
Fine! I'll just go have herpes someplace else! A place that actually cares about people like me.
I'm calling the cops!
That guy was thoroughly confused and then that escalated quickly 🤣
Posted using Partiko iOS
OMG! Someone spoke to me after this!
Yeah. Just another adventure in the life of Mr. Himself. It has been over two months since the last time he got a gig.
I'm kind of curious as to what he did in the meantime but at the same time I'm wondering if this is something that should be known XD
Probably some dumpster diving for day old donuts.
damn truth always leaks out...regardless how much plastic it is wrapped in. Love it!
Mr. Himself needs his own bubble to live in when he goes to work.
Mr. Himself needs
His own bubble to live in
When he goes to work.
- nonameslefttouse
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
Awesome.
You, Good Sir, are a truly special version of bizarre.
Love live Mr Himself. :)
Might have to invent a new word for that. Spezarre! And oddly enough, that means turn off in Basque.
I guess that was a stupid idea.
Bizecial perhaps? And why did long autocorrect to love? I hope that wasn’t a Freudian slip...
Bizecial is kinda cool.
Awhile back in a post I wrote penis instead of pens. That was an odd day. Nobody said anything either...
I think they might have thought you meant it.
Probably, yeah. It's a good thing I don't write about science.
Don't they have a vaccine for that?
I'm not sure. My guess is no.
DAMN YOU SCIENCE!!!!!
xD
Totally fricken hilarious. Glad I waited to read it, I like going to bed with a belly full of laughter, instead of a head full of bullshit, it's much less smelly. ;-} !BEER
Oh. So now the laughs start. I sat here all day wondering wtf I did wrong!
Well, I guess I didn't NEED to go and buy Coffee shortly after your post. I suppose I COULD have delayed the run for water, and other essential, I REALLY din't need to stop at a nice dining establishment for the Alaska Salmon chowder soup and salad. I guess I could place some blame on Mother Nature for giving us a nice day, one not filled with rain or fire smoke. But the real culprits are the tourist, they have left the sunny beaches to us. We can go and enjoy them once again, like we did after the salmon chowder, did I say how good that was? Oh yeah it all started with the most evil of things, the most addictive substance in the world, Coffee. But not just some everyday Folgers or Sanka in a can, well plastic container now, I don't think they do cans anymore.
Any ways, at least I did remember to read it. Even if I was a little late. A late laugh is a good laugh. Have fun.
I appreciate it.
The weather here is shifting seasons fast. Cold and rainy. Might even be an early snowfall coming soon.
I did see something about Montana, Wyoming and Northern Idaho maybe having a blizzard real soon, Kind of glad I live in Alaska, it gets cold, dark, and snows, but we very rarely have blizzards.
View or trade
BEERat steem-engine.Hey @nonameslefttouse, here is a bit
BEERfor you. Enjoy it!ts ts ts racists, racists everywhere :P
It's that damn Facebook. Turns everyone into an extremist.
Sometimes I don't know what to say but I really like bizecial and witnessing the birth of a new word... lol
The world needs more neologists!
I want to see the portrait of Mr. Herpes in all its glory... )))
Arrête de lécher des culs stp
I try to follow a simple rule. If I leave, then leave with dignity and take away the trash without leaving a new one...
Please don't talk about dignity. You have no idea what it's really like.
Do I look like a therapist?
You look like an ass-kisser.
I am confused by your interest in the anus. Where such deep knowledge comes from...
buuuulllllsshhhhiiiiiittttt
Of course it's bullshit. This was tagged 'funny' and it's a comedy skit.
Ok nice :-D !
Thanks for making this less awkward.
that's cool but eerie
The silence is eerie.