I Don't Have Time to Write A Long Story
Even though I've already written those words three times so far.
A good artist knows how to bullshit.
I don't normally talk about my art. I rarely produce something, slap it in the blog editor thingamajig, then yap about it for three or four paragraphs.
Besides. It's pretty damn obvious what's happening in that image above.
Why should I sit here and tell you what you already know?
You're not going to believe me anyway.
Fine, whatever, I'll try.
Point form:
- Julie was driving to work.
- She looked in the mirror.
- She remembered how hot she is.
- Decided to take a selfie for Facebook.
- Then some clown jumped out in front of the car.
- Julie hit the clown.
- It's sad because that was the clown's first day on the job.
- He was fresh out of clown college.
- Now he's flat and lives on a broken windshield.
- He didn't die though. He's just different now.
- Who would hire that for a birthday party?
- Nobody.
- Julie didn't have insurance.
- That's why she can't have nice things.
- A unnamed woman called an ambulance.
- We'll call her, Queen Elizabeth.
- She wasn't as important as she sounds.
- Just a woman with a phone.
- So anyway.
- Julie's little toy poodle ran away when the first responders opened the door.
- They found him at a bar later on that day.
- Some dude was feeding him chicken wings.
- Julie tried to sue because she insists her dog is a vegetarian.
- She ended up getting Judge Judy.
- That's another reason why Julie can't have nice things.
- The clown is now hooked on pain killers.
- The end.
That Was Easier Than I Thought It Would Be
I'm proud of me, too!
I did it! I did it! I've completed yet another post for Steemit.com!
Have a nice day! 
Especially special note: I'd just like to thank everyone for your support. My previous post shattered my personal record for incoming votes. Previous record was 260 and now that post sits at 274. As many of you know, I post my material, then just hope for the best. So, breaking that record is kind of a big deal for me. I've been plugging away here since Septemeber of 2016. I've published well over 500 posts. It's a lot of work and it makes me happy to know that so many of you out there have my back. Thank you, for everything.
The dog clearly was a vegetarian. Dog will eat/lick anything to walk past a freshly flattened cloan and not give him a lick would be unheard of.
On the other hand if the dog was an alcoholic trying to forget the pain of everyone always asking him the same question but due to his lack of vocal chords he would forever be unable to answer and tell everyone that indeed he was the good boy they'd been looking for.
I feel like I want to write a story with you. But the entire book is asides, and explanations of things with the main plot only progressing at a rate of one line per chapter. When read without the qualifiers and back stories the whole thing just ends up reading like the cat in the hat.
I was actually thinking of opening up that Bohemian Grove joke. I'm wondering if people would be able to follow the same format where it starts out bland, simple, then just takes a hard turn and gets dirtier and dirtier until even the Aristocrats joke sounds soft in comparison. Your thoughts?
The good thing is if anyone gets upset they can just stop reading and it gives some fore warning that things only go downhill.
I think it'd be fun
It would be fun but the thought of it makes me a bit nervous now.
Does my brand of combining strange art with rambling nonsensical bullshit in a humorous fashion fit in to this comedyopenmic tag thing? Not everything I do is a long drawn out joke story.
You certainly don't need to use the tag on everything. just the funny things that you think are worthy.
No, scratch that, cos you're an artist and nothing is every good enough. so instead...
You certainly don't need to use the tag on everything. just the funny things that you think I will classify as worthy.
Even if it's just one post per week, having someone of your calibre and depth be a member of the community, I think will help comedyopenmic grow as a collaborative, supportive, community, a gathering place for talented funny people and weirdos too.
I don't know if something is funny until I get a response, so it's hard to guess, hard to pick and choose.
My intention here was to do a post full of corny one liners, plus act somewhat foolish and naive. Humor has many forms. I try to use all of them. Nearly everything I do has some form of humor in it, but if I use the tag, then I'll just become the haejin of your trending page. Now maybe you can see why, early on, right off the bat, I decided I wouldn't enter and stated how this is a good opportunity for others to get some exposure.
Yup, pretty much what I was seeing too.
I know! It's painfully obvious!
I'm pretty darn sure that it is not allowed to call just anyone Queen Elizabeth! It's got something to do with some "divine right of queens" or such. If Freddy Mercury was still alive, I would ask him for you - but as it is I'm afraid you will have to do your own research in order to remain compliant.
And compliant is King!
That's her street name. She's a prostitute. Biggest and best in all the land, according to my sources. The rest bow down to that woman. She's gangsta as fuck. You're going to have to take this up with her.
You trying to bring on the Apocalypse?
Well there's nothing else on TV...
You've outgrown the Godzilla reruns?
Godzilla only goes up to my knees now.
You're an excellent bullshitter and I envy your title skills.
That was some good bullshitting you did there. Kudos.
Congrats on making another post for the Steem system (not just Steemit.com).
Thank you for correcting me and providing me with the light I now see.
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
It will all be history soon. Clowns were banned in France back in October 2014. New regulations means that lots of us will have to scrap our old jalopies, I am sure they will eventually find a way to ban chicken wings and bars! Pain killers - I recon those will be handed out like smarties.
Great pic by the way!
Well, on the bright side, at least the mafia can start selling clown services again, so that's good.
Thank you for the compliment!
This is a long comment ;p
Was it at least a zombie clown? I’ve been on a zombie killing binge as of lately. Just can’t get enough of running them over with a car, back up over them with a car, hitting them in the face with the car door, and lighting them fire. Killing a zombie with pain killers thought I’ve not done that in any game before. I think you might be onto something with that one.
I miss playing video games. My days aren't long enough.
I had to sneak and trick my way into finding the time for them again. I now get to blog about them. Might be the downfall of my health or least my sanity of having to stop and document them like some detective. But still sometimes you just got to get creative in getting the things you enjoy.
Or least I've ticked myself into having an excuse "I've not blogged in a few days I need to go game so I can" ahaha.
Videogames do have some amazing art in them. Perhaps you will find a way.
I've done two video game blog posts. This one is hilarious.
Hehe that kind of post would blow most of what is in the gaming tag out of the water. Yes, if only all family's acted like that one hehe.
I was trying the other day think out if I could do a post on funny on game glitches in State of Decay 2. That must have taken forever to get all those screens and come up with a nice plot to go with it.
I'm always digging though endless screenshots not finding that tone I thought I had that that would been perfect for this or that.
I had this zombie dry humbling the front of the car for like 10 minutes before its corpse stop rag dolling on the front and rolled off!
I raged quite on my friend after we played to like 4 in the morning. I drove our car off into the lake flipping it in the water and closing our instance of the game. He left me a message and I just acted like the game was working fine for me. Ya, I had enough of the lag, bugs, and nonsense for that day.
I might have lost a few survivors so far in my own solo play. Sadly multiplayer was just causing us to many issues for now.
Never did find enough to make a post. I'm sure there lots of funny things out there.
I got lucky in that retro game play-through. I didn't play several times, then pick and choose screenshots. It actually played out like that, then I just added my own story. More luck: Steem was worth 15 cents at the time, and I came out of there with $27 worth of 15 cent Steem. Do the math. If more people here knew to leave bots alone, power up everything, and hodl; they'd be in the same damn boat as me right now instead of bragging up the trinkets they bought back then.
I've come across a couple of blogs here or there from the past days. Insane payouts when steem must have been worth almost nothing. They cashed it out all and left. hahaha.
I'm sure that was "life changing" money for them back than. May they still be getting a use out of the plastic garbage they spent it on.
I have no clue how long I'll be able to hold. Least for 2018 I just want to build and have some cheap fun here. So many cashing out every little cent they make like its going out of style. Hard to get ahead in life if that all it ever is.
It's the age, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
Stoked to have found you on here, my "almost" daily laughs lol Slow and steady I hope to build more of an active following. I feel like a lot of my followers must be bots or something I don't seem to get very many upvotes compared the the # of followers I have. Some days I wish I could delete all my other social medias and spend more time on here, but I'd probably vote my voting powers to dust all the time if I spent more time on here lol
My voting power takes a hit everyday. It's difficult to maintain optimum levels, voting manually. I don't do any other social media now aside from a few one liners to my small group of actual friends on Facebook. I'll share my links from here to there as well, sometimes. I get paid for everything I do here though. I'm pulling in just as much SP through voting as I get from posting. This took a long time and a lot of dedication to be able to achieve that, but I saw the potential and decided to climb. It's not for everyone and the amount of people who give up before they can say they even tried proves that.
The clown now leads a wonderful life among politicians with whom he shares his percocet.
That's true! And he does humanitarian type things now as well!
Congratulation to your new record.
I wonder why this puddle decided to become vegetarian. Is this spreading to dogs now, than cats including lions 😱? I don’t want to become a vegetarian 😭.
Just keep some hotdogs in a safe, just in case. Nobody needs to know. I won't say anything. You can always dip them in vegetable dip and conceal their identity.
I don't think it was a poodle... It looks more like the Yorkshire Terrier, Shih Tzu maybe?
This is Julie we're talking about here. She got the poodles hair straightened and added a clip on hair piece dog beard thing. I'm not even making this up.
I think Julie and the clown would disagree with your sentiment, but I concur, it is definitely a beautiful day ;)
It was a nice day indeed. I got triggered earlier but I feel better now. Then it started raining and that pissed me off a bit because I got wet. Then I got comfortable indoors, and it stopped raining. Apparently the mosquitoes hatched. Damn things.
Mosquitos! The bane of my existence, the only creature on this earth that I will kill (SQUASH SPLAT) without provocation! Parasites that make you itch, squishing them is a pleasure.
Dialing it back a notch, this hopeful song for you when you're triggered:
Is he still posting here?
Ahh, no. But only because he feels like he dropped the ball when life got in the way. Ironically, I just posted one of his other songs to the man- onceuponatime, and he fucking loved it, so maybe that was a sign to get on his case about getting back into this. Of course I'll keep promoting him either way.
Did you see the posts I made about his second album release? The first one had a song off the album itself- the second was of the show, but it's kind of crazy how different a few of his songs are on the CD. Like this one:
Here's the same song- with him playing it on my parents back patio last summer, when dad was still with us. Haha, actually he played this just after we got back from a brewery ;) Oh and- he wrote this as a tribute to Chris Cornell.
I've been missing posts left and right, and I do apologize for missing some; but that's happening everywhere with me. There are some people here, the only large(ish) votes they receive come from me. I've been trying really hard to find a balance between voting for the many who I've always supported, because I know damn well how bad it feels when people suddenly stop. It doesn't matter how much is in the wallet, if you're blogging, getting support helps; unless they're using bots, then that tells me loud and clear they don't need help because they're here for a different reason. Then I'm trying to keep as many of these minnow types motivated, and this is all becoming quite stressful. Plus I'm attempting to reserve some to vote up the comments at least a little bit as well.
I know I did vote up a couple of his posts. Then I didn't see him around. Some folks can get away with one post a week, get some exposure, earn a bit on the side, just for fun. If he's not able to blog heavy like some of us do, that doesn't mean the community won't be there for him.
I'm naming it "Green Julie and the clown collage." I'm not sure it's really a collage but I liked the alliteration. I also like the happy colours.
That's an interesting name. It's A Long Story though.
strictly speaking she wasn't unnamed if she was called an ambulance
That is a very important detail I somehow overlooked. And you just earned about 15 cents for being a smartass! LOL
Julie just ruined that clown's career for being so unware of the road! Poor clown!! Also, let that dog have a break, my woman. Every now and then all dogs deserve a lil' chicken wing action, am I right?
Despite everything she did, I hope Julie is okay.
Also... can that clown help a sista out? I've been feeling err... some pains.
Julie will be fine. The clowns mom sold her the rest of those pills. Sorry.
I heardd about that clown that got hit. He was an intern at the white house; I heard that's where all the clowns work
I'm not sure. I'm Canadian so I don't have to listen to those clowns.
Haha. Nice one
Woah. Poor Clown lol
Don't worry. His family really stepped up after years of neglect. Things are looking up! He gets to play xbox all day now! His mom keeps trying to sell his pills though. Still working out a few kinks here and there.
Poor poodle poor clown
I hope the makeup wasn't ruined and that he could at least make it to his gig
I know it's long, but I feel that this is the best way to read it in its .... This is the story of how I got to where I am right now. ... I decided to write a book based on that one post. .... And if you don't know what these things are, then think again.
I've been thinking, and thinking again. I'm still confused. I'll keep on thinking though!
Funny story sir.
I hope you can bring julie to #comedyopenmic.
Ha ha
How divine :)
Pobre payaso jajaja, Muy buena imagen amigo
Hello friend, many congratulations for the achievements you have obtained so far, and for those who will come that I am sure there will be many. Enchanted to read your content so complete and planned, that leave us much to reflect and entertain, it continues like this. you and blessings.
I fuckin love you.
Will i learn how to bullshit myself through life if i go to the clown school? or is that the wrong school?
Blaise Pascal: "Je n'ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que je n'ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte."
Mark Twain: "I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."
Isn't there a market for pancake clowns? They are much easier to transport and distribute.
haha :) I am proud of you. you've really done it, you've accomplished this story successfully!
as usual
I'm proud of you. Not of this particular story, but I'm proud that you reached so many upvotes in your last post. What an achievement!
Congratulations. You deserve it all.
I wonder if the clown made one of those clown noises when the car hit him... noises like these ones:
Well, I’m glad you summarised your long story. My strained eyes thanks you and read every word! I know how you feel about completing a posts too! Not the most prolific poster here. Anyway, have a lovely day and watch out for the Selfie addicts! ;)
Nice point form!
Beautiful scene
it's a great theme ..great to share.
Excellent writting.I really impress.
Really amazing post sir.
Haha, that's some party.
That's really great
I feel like I should not laugh but I cannot help myself.