Surviving Florida 101: Everything you need to know to survive in the psycho capital of the USA

in #funny • 7 years ago

** THIS IS SATIRE AND NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY**

Florida is quite a different place than most state, every time the news comes on you often hear of some dude biting another dudes face off after Over dosing on some new street drug, It may as well be on the list of places to avoid beating Chicago by a slight margin. So what does one need to survive in a state full of clinically ill people who snort coke and bath salts by the pound?

Drugs

Yes you read that correctly, Drugs. This to me would be one of the most important things while traveling in Florida. Why you ask? Well to make money! I guarantee where ever you go you will meet someone looking for drugs, whether it be your pills for high cholesterol, weed or even pain killers there is guaranteed to be someone who will buy off of you. Another benefit of having drugs is befriending the crazy people of this state. It's one step closer to not being the victim of some weird crime in which a crack addict feeds you to his pet alligator.
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A gun

Yes you will need a gun, trust me on this one. If you are dealing some of your drugs or befriending the local crack addicted you are going to need some protection its more than likely one of these fellows has a gun. These people are on drugs right? They could snap any second, having a gun will ensure you and your drug supply will be safe.
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A person you hate as a buddy

Gotta get away from the dude high on bath salts some how right? Let them get their face bitten off, not you!

Just don't even go


Don't do it. Just don't.
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** thanks for reading everyone I hope you enjoyed it, if you wanna leave a suggestion for improvement or another survival guide idea leave a comment below**

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7 years ago in #funny by
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     7 years ago  

    Not all of Florida is bad.. just have to be in the right neighborhood 😊 there is a place called Newtown here in Sarasota.. full of black people. Full of hate down there I drove past one day and a black women looked at me and said "you don't belong here". Because I'm white... Sad to see. Two french tourist were lost and accidently walked into that neighborhood. They both got shot and killed by a group of black people or something... Just because they were lost and spoke a different language!!! 😢😢😢 But I live in a nice neighborhood where down the street is a trailer park with drug dealers. Lol 😂 yeah it's pretty bad....