I recently went on holiday to my ancestral home. The village here is where my parents come from and over the years more and more occupants have left for the glitz of the developed cities and in my parents case more developed countries.
That said there is something quite tranquil about going back to a place where until only recently prior to the arrival of electricity, water was pulled from the well first thing in the morning to bathe.
ansestral home
local vegetation
Buffalo is taken down to the ‘Baniee’ – an area of natural depression which is blocked on one side to stop the rain water escaping, … the buffalo also wallow here in the heat and drink from this pool.
Most people who are there organise their day either very early in the morning or after dusk due to the midday sun and so there is actually more activity on an evening than during the day when most people will be indoors snoozing under a ceiling fan (now with the advent of electricity).
That is if you’re not a touristy visitor like me in which case I could be found walking around my ancestral home’s large courtyard bothering the animals which also due to the heat would have rather been left alone.
However this story is specifically about a goat, who I will from this point on call ‘Roger’ as you will begin to understand.
say hello Roger
My cousin who currently lives in the property and looks after the animals and is a kind of pseudo-farmer said he had something to show me and took me over to Roger … a Ram who is generally quite calm until it gets its backside slapped and then he does this cartoon like raising himself on his back two feet, launching himself forward – best to stay outside the circumference of the rope which he is tied to.
“Watch this, see what happens when I blow cigarette smoke in his face”
I watched as my cousin lit up a cigarette took a few puffs and then bringing his face close to Rogers blew smoke in his face.
“Look at his Shafter”
After a deep throated bleat from Roger, I did notice that he had indeed got a full on erection, which my cousin not being familiar with the correct term was calling a ‘Shafter’.
At this point I was beginning to question my sanity, had I booked and travelled 6000KM followed by a 2 hour rickety journey to a remote village to watch a goat get an erection in the baking 40C midday sun?
Roger's 'Shafter' disappearing quickly as he saw I was taking a picture
Now you have to understand that entertainment such as bowling alleys, nightclubs, and bars, snooker halls and sports centre and cinema complexes are somewhat servery lacking in sleepy kickback villages (someone should tell them), ..
Had there been any of these things I would have happily walked away and never thought about this again.
So the fact I had nothing to do, coupled with a natural curiosity and somewhat professional approach to solving problems (I work as an IT developer currently on a project with my colleague and friend @slobberchops).
I began to wonder what in that event was it that gave the goat a Bonner, … on the off chance that it was a random event it was proved to me again, … in short it looked like
If Goat + Cigarette passive smoke = Boner
The following day armed with my tools I went out to visit Roger the goat. Was it the sensation of just blowing on its nose/face that excited him? I suspected so and was about to prove it.
good morning Roger
Bringing my face close to the goats (no photo), if anyone has ever tried to do a selfie with an adult goat you’ll know what I mean.
To my disappointment and intrigue it yielded nothing, the goat was about as excited as the queen of England at a self-checkout counter.
*not interested *
Hmm …. Next in the process of elimination, let me try it with my vape pen, maybe it was just something to do with the smoke, …
I took a big drag on the vape pen and blew out enveloping it in my vape cloud, …Roger just walked away. I guess he thought he was going to get some food and stayed around the first time.
still not interested
OK, so now I really wanted to get to the bottom of this. Just to make sure Roger wasn’t missing his girlfriend yesterday, I lit a cigarette up and took a drag and blew out again.
i see some interest
Roger immediately stood to attention, BONER! Result! ……
Boner!
This was good and bad news. The problem now was that the variable that I needed to change was Roger, i.e. maybe Roger was some goat anomaly who had a passive smoke fetish and I didn’t have another Roger to prove or disprove this.
Is it possible that I have stumbled across something in cigarettes that could be used someday to create a cure for goat male impotence?
Now that I am back home I am unable to progress with my experiment and so this is my offer to all STEEMians, … are you in possession of a goat? … Do you live near or are aware of a goat in your neighbourhood ? …
I need to know if this is universally true for all goats around the world or just Roger. If you could conclude this test - blow cigarette smoke into the face of the goat and see if you get a result? It would really help and would confirm if we are onto something.
Any proceeds from taking the goat Viagra to market will be split and one day you could take pride in knowing that you have helped many ‘Rogers’ around the world get their self-esteem back.
Disclaimer: any liable or case brought against you by authorities with suggestions that you were fraternising in the vicinity of a 4 legged animal who was obviously excited – I will claim to have no knowledge of you.
Good luck from the Goblin.
I think I'll give that experimentation a miss, as I'd rather not get too close to a horny goat, even if its expressions are quite cute.
I just read your first post too - very interesting, especially about the cancer treatment. I think if you were to do a survey of royals and world leaders, the cancer survival rates would be significantly higher than for ordinary folks. I heard that the Queen Mother survived breast cancer in the 1980s, and that part of her treatment involved mistletoe. Mistletoe treatment is available on the NHS, maybe due to the royal seal of approval. I know someone who had breast cancer and had mistletoe treatment. She made a complete recovery, though I can't say whether the mistletoe treatment was the reason for it.
hi @natubat, thanks for your comments, I concur with your suggestion about royals and world leaders. There is multiple reasons for this, most notabily would be the barrage of scans and blood tests done routinely. any anomolies can be picked up and investigated without any delay. Conventional doctrine says that early detection is vital in recovery, unfortunately for most people MRI scans, heat tomography scans, full blood tests are not something offered unless you are suffering some symptoms, by which time Cancer in a lot of cases has progressed, that and the fact that a lot of latest cancer medicines are not covered by insurance, but can be had privately for hefty fees. its not all hopeless though as you pointed out Missletoe is just one of many natural methods which cannot be patented so will not get the limelight they deserve, such methods cannot be used in isolation though, lifestyle changes for the most part are the most difficult for people to observe. its quite a large topic which I will be covering in posts.
The Horny goat will have to live with just eating the local vegetation for now... which isn't that bad :-)
I tend to see it in another way in fact - that most people have cancers, but if we stay healthy, they don't progress. I worry that too much early testing could lead to unnecessary treatment that could be more harmful than the small tumour.
However, this is just a feeling of mine. I am no expert and I am aware that I could be talking nonsense!
Even if I did have access to a goat, I am not sure this is the kind of experiment I want to be any part of :) I can appreciate your scientific approach to it though.
that's fair enough @bozz, smoking is a filthy habit, .. I shouldn't encourage it :-)
Really not sure if I approve of this sort of animal experimentation. I hope Roger doesn't have a smoking habit.
hi @steevc, Roger is aware of the dangers of smoking i'm sure. I left a pack of cigarettes and a lighter close to him and he never once sparked one up, … even when he was left unattended. :-)
Smart goat.
Trying to think of a pun involving butts...
This is the kind of stuff we need to see, proper stories, original and amusing. There's less and less of them these days.
‘This write-up was particularly meaty, fulfilling, wholesome, beefy and deserving of a CHOPS token. Don't Chomp on it all at once.’
thanks, @slobberchops for recognising this work of art. :-)
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This certainly ticks the originality box!
I wonder if the brand makes any difference?
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No words 😱