It felt like a dream, a horrible but beautiful dream.
I was wondering around the streets of my neighbourhood but nobody recognised me, nobody said hello. I didn't know where I was going until I got there. The steps leading up to my house greeted me with open arms, but something felt different. This was the house I grew up in, the house I became who I am now in.
Although, it was also a house overflowing with secrets and lies. As I walked inside I noticed there was no colour left, only black and white. The floor creaked with every footstep, leading me to where it all happened. The kitchen looked frail and old but then I see her, staring at me from behind the island bench.
She was smiling, everything else was black and white but she was full of colour, like she always was. As she walks over to me I feel a sense of shame and guilt, I'm frozen, unable to move.
'I forgive you.' Her soft, sweet voice surrounds me and I look back at her unable to respond.
She disappears and I feel myself awakening, I try so hard to stay with her but I can't. I awaken and run downstairs hoping somehow it wasn't a dream, but it was, of course it was.
The only reminder of what happened to her is the knife I buried in the garden, the knife that killed her.
This post is in response to the #dailyfreewritechallenge posted by @mariannewest & @improv. Today's prompt was inspired by @f3nix and is 'Awakening.' If you're wanting to participate in the #dailyfreewritechallenge, just follow the link: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-80-5-minute-freewrite-prompt-awakening
Don't forget to check back in for Chapter Three of my short story series later on today.
Thank you for reading.
Until next time,
Meliss
Photo Cred: https://favim.com/image/406110/
Wow, I love this! very well written, and it draws you in.
Thank you!! :)
I really liked this a lot, you got my attention right away! 👍
@deaconlee thank you!! :)
You created an oniric yet cold and defined atmosphere.. it's a good freewrite and I liked the final. Keep up the good freewriting!
Thank you @f3nix! :)
Really dark twist with this at the end with the knife! Really loved this one.
@snrm thank you! :)
The ending is chilling. And yet we are left with a melancholic feeling. Very well done.
@windo thank you! :)
This reminded me of the moments when I have become lucid in a dream but then it starts to fade away and I can't maintain it anymore... Good freewrite!
Oh wow I've never experienced a lucid dream, i'm sure it's really weird!!
Thank you :)
I've had lucid dreams for couple years time to time. It's a learnable skill which involves developing a state of mind where you are aware about the world around you and always questioning its nature. With enough practice the attitude follows with you into your dreams. Easiest way to develop such state of mind is doing reality checks when awake. With enough repetitions you start doing them in your dreams, most reliable one being the "breathing test" where you close your nostrils and try to breath through your nose. Awake, of course you can't do it, but in a dream you can breath no problem. It's a real "holy shit" -moment when you suddenly realize you can breath despite closing your airways!
Thanks for sharing that technique! I usually look at my hands and can tell by the fuzziness.
O, this is so good! Such a horror story...
@kerlund74 thank you! :)
Can't wait for Chapter Three...I wouldn't have forgiven the one who killed me (this sentence is awkward, I know...)
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-81-5-minute-freewrite-prompt-i-floss-my-tears
Well written!
Thank you! :)
Whaaaatt!? Who killed her!? Was it the husband, or the dreamer, or the gardener!?
I'm drawn in. What's next? :P
Also feel free to check out my latest freewrite
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@lonestarpoet/81-freewrite-flossing-with-wisdom
The question that rests with me is, did our "I' ultimately forgive themselves?
@improv we will never know ;)
@originalworks
Try @OriginalWorks2
Thank you @fireawaymarmot :)
@Originalworks2
I guess they're both sleeping. Hey @OriginalWorks wake up!
This was quite good. One suggestion - keeping in mind this was a freewrite so it's a post rules edit or whatever - the knife buried in the garden is not a visual reminder experienced by the narrator in that moment. Why not simply have it on the counter, maybe with some blood, and no mention of the fact that she killed her mom?
I know I'm being picky but you did say in your link that you weren't sure about it, and I thought it was a good piece that you could develop further.
Or maybe she only buried the knife but wasn't the killer? Well anyways it got me thinking so that made it an effective piece.
I generally time myself to keep my freewrites under five minutes but I like to go back and edit it just so it reads nicely and people aren't having to read sentences twice over!
It wasn't really supposed to be visual just something that reminds him of what happened and that something will always be close by, reminding him everyday :) I was going to have it in the sink but decided against it!
Of course! All feedback is good feedback, thank you!
@originalworks
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