Thought of virtue? Can I do all the things I want? If I want to laugh a lot, I can not laugh. I do not want to cry again. This is freedom? My head hurts, I can not save my wish by hurting my chest. This is freedom? And the last time I have to leave the world. So my independence?
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Hmm I can only partially understand your post, but I must say the way to find your virtues is to embody them, one can laugh if one really tries, though i guess that may be easier said then done for some. Freedom is what you make it really, though I do not really understand as you are quite cryptic!