Physically Nutritious and Spiritually Delicious Raw Cacao Chocolate Nut Angelic Orgasm in 20 MIN!!

in #food7 years ago (edited)

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The title is not to be overstated... You'll actually lose weight and build muscle eating these marvels; you may even get an angel pregnant! Seriously, my partner and I eat at least 1 full batch a week! There is no reason to not be in love with what you eat :)

Preliminaries

We're doing this in phases, to be most efficient and get that chocolate on your tongue as soon as possible. If you have almonds, stop reading now and get up and go soak them! We're soaking almonds to make them more chewy and more digestible (they need to soak for up to 6 hours, so lets get it done!!)

I don't measure anything, everything is done by feeling and flavor. Tasting happens frequently, you're welcome. This way every batch is different, so the flavor is always new. I've never had a bad batch.

Ingredients *All Organic:

  • Cacao Powder
  • Cacao Butter
  • Cinnamon
  • Nutmeg
  • Cardamom
  • Coconut Oil
  • Sea Salt
  • Peanut Butter (Cashew or Almond if alergic)
  • Roasted Coconut Butter (Cashew or Almond, or any nut butter really)
  • Honey
  • Palm Nectar (Honey or Maple Syrup)
  • Soaked Almonds (Or any nut you'd like to bite a whole chunk of. Or, if you'd like a smoother no-crunch consistency, opt out.)

Tools

  • Glass Dish (see below, size is irrelevant will only affect the depth of your chocolate, and since we're going off feeling no worries!)
  • Double Boiler (or just another smaller glass dish)
  • Utensil (or hand, your call)
  • That's it!

The trick is to use what's cheap in your area! So, don't go out and specially buy palm nectar if you have maple or honey on hand :)

Phase 1: Melt the Cacao Butter!

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Use about 40% cacao butter for total volume of the base chocolate layer you're wanting to make! So, make sure you have equal parts cacao and cacao butter :)

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Phase 2: The Base

*Not to be confused with bass, however music is recommended while preparing; the chocolate gods prefer it. Dancing is required while preparing if you want a full angelic orgasm! While the cacao butter is melting we're going to do this.

Step 1: Pour Oil:

Create a nice thin layer of coconut oil on the bottom (we use coconut oil to soften the chocolate to make it more melty and decadent)

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Step 2: Add Spices

Spicing is up to your palate, typically it will be 50% cinnamon 20% Cardamom 20% Nutmeg 10% Salt. But really it's best to just go with your gut. If you joyfully sprinkle it, chances are it will be perfect!
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Step 3: Honey Time

This depends on your sweet preference, we prefer ours a bit bitter so we go pretty easy on the honey, just medium drizzle across the whole top. Let your intuition guide the honey, it's going to be better that way :)

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Step 4: Cacao of Course

Drop it, as in you're going to need a lot! It is the main ingredient here :) Get a big pile!

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Step 5: Mix and Test

Once mixed it should still be fairly dry as we have yet to add the cacao butter.

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Step 6: Cacao Butter

By this time the butter should be melted:

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Pick it up and pour it in and mix! Mix it well to break up any clumps of Cacao.

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Step 7: Taste Test

Once mixed, check the consistency and flavour. You're looking for a similar to pancake batter/molasses consistency. If it's too liquid add more cacao and taste again, if you have diluted the sweet or spices, add more and taste again until you get the consistency and flavour that you love :)

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Step 8: Go Nuts

Take a good portion of your soaked almond nuts and toss them in there. Where ever you like, it's your masterpiece.

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Step 9: Cool Off

Throw it in the freezer to speed up the cooling process and lets get on to...

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Phase 3: The Nutty Top

Step 1: Grab Your Ingredients

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How much of the top you make is up to you! I make my topping about 30-40% the thickness of the base. Take 45% of each butter, a dash of salt and split the remaining 10% between coconut oil and your sweetener!

Step 2: Throw In a Bowl

Did I really need to add this step -_-

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Step 3: Mix

You're going for a creamy, chunky, similar consistency as the base here. But again, it's really up to you!

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Phase 4: Discipline

You're wanting to cultivate your discipline core here in so you don't devour your delicacy just yet. As they say in China, they camera eats first! Believe me it will be much better once it's all together. Tasting is allowed :)

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Step 1: Missionary Style

Spread the top on the bottom. Yup, just like that!

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Step 2: Fancy?

If you're feeling like you want to impress someone, go ahead and dash a bit of cinnamon and drizzle a bit of honey on top! If nothing else, you'll think it looks better for the 1/2 second you appreciate it before you eat it...

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Step 3: Play with Puppy

Pop it in the fridge/freezer and enjoy yourself for a second!

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Phase 4: Discipline 2 'The Return of Discipline'

Get the dish out of the freezer, be sure to hum your most sacred dance song while handling the chocolate (to appease the gods). If you're still wanting to impress someone (and you have the discipline), get a flower out of your garden and throw in on a plate. Try to take a fancy picture and tell people what you have done! It feels nice inside, almost like the chocolate you have already eaten before bothering to read this... Seriously, enjoy the chocolate. It won't last long, but don't worry it's good for you! So, eat as much as you like and smile while you're doing it :)

Rieki
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That looks really good, don't forget that glass of wine with it :) https://steemit.com/health/@mofiki/skin-benefits-of-dark-chocolate-and-red-wine

Love it! Definitely goes well with wine (especially if you made the wine yourself) I prefer mead :)

Too often though, wine is full of pesticides, sulfite's, and other nasty additives. So, I believe it's best to make our own or get from a good source!

I have never made my own wine but am most definitely looking into it now. I do buy organic wines although guess you still have to hope for the best vs making it fresh.

Oh man, It's a wonderful phenomenon that takes place (possibly a plecebo) that anything I make at home is 100% better than anything I have bought. I would HIGHLY recommend getting into making wines (it's quite easy). However, I would personally recommend mead (honey wine) I have found it easy (though it takes a while) and the health benefits (as I add medicinal herb and whole hive components [pollen, royal jelly, propolis]) to it), just like the vikings used to! Which mythologically was the source of their great strength, so I'm told.