PUSH UP YOUR LIFE WITH PUSH-UPS

My relationship with push ups has been like a sort of neurotic love affair. I really love doing them when I create the habit and routine of doing them.

However, I've had much difficulty in keeping on with the habit. I've been going through phases with push ups. I've got into it pretty seriously at times...and then also very sort of half assed. Where it's like I have this idea about the results I possibly can get from doing push ups. This relationship is kind of fucked up from the perspective of it's like a I got this expectation to work and move through. It's been a fuck up for me from the perspective that I haven't been very honest with myself that I've often gone into an experience of shutdown and suppression when the moment arises to drop down and do some push ups. It's like all of a sudden my energy is restricted and I am rushed with a sense of fatigue...and so maybe I do like one or a few push ups and then just kind of lie on the ground kind of strung out within myself.

Yesterday I realized that it's my mind as thinking and so too the feeling and emotion. It creates a sort of physiological momentary impairment and disability....it's like holding your breath before you even begin the exercise and then wondering why it's difficult to move. I realized I was creating a build up before I even moved. It's like I was holding myself in such a compromising way it was difficult to even relax and breathe at ease. Like this freezing up into a sort of stone and being like super heavy.

I'm talking about this because I recognize it's these sound bits of "problem" that need to be transformed into the logical solutions. I recognize it starts with me processing through my challenges here...and actually expand myself within push ups.

I'm taking a layered approach to my relationship with push ups. I'm now writing about it. I am experimenting with different ways in which I can do push ups. I am experimenting and exploring my breathing within doing push ups...playing with doing push ups as very slow movements and also very quick movements. I am playing with my form.

I'm making a point to document all the resistance I face around actually just getting into and engaged with push ups.

I think there is immense value in doing simple things daily that are easily repeatable. I think it's cool to challenge ourselves to expand our ability within exploring our reach/potential.

What I like about integrating push ups into my life is that it's easy to do anywhere and any way. There's so many different ways in which you can do a push up. For myself this is a way for me to honor my body on a daily basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing my fuel and motivation within my 'resistance' to getting started and getting moving. I realize when I have this "heaviness and stuck" like experience it's just an indicator for me that I need to slow down within myself that I am actually working myself up for no real good reason before I've even begun to participate in the exercise. I utilize the resistance I face and experience as motivation to persevere within my commit to growing, developing and expanding my push up ability.

The most push-ups I ever did in a continued sequence was 102.

The experience of myself at the moment is that I am a long way off from that ability. Currently somewhere between 10 and 30 push-ups.

My mind has been my biggest challenge within doing push ups. There's always been a point in which I've given into. It's been this point of my mind starting to wander...and it's like in a subtle yet very defiant way. This is something for me to explore more and write more about. What I can see thus far is that I get stuck in my breathing...and it's like I react to what's coming up in my head...which leads to a sort of shutdown/suppression like experience in being able to continue doing push ups. This I see as a subtle point of self-determination. Where it's in these subtle moments of accounting that makes all the difference.

What I will be exploring today is how effectively I am able to see the point and to just let it go by committing myself to seeing it but not feed it. Recognizing that it's about self-control. Self-control is the point of letting go and also holding on. It's the epitome of breathing in a way where it's this ever so subtle thing that we do so naturally. You don't even have to think about it.

To Be Continued - Ongoing

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