How the POWER OF NOW book affected my life

I just had a realization. For a change. Haha. Been having quiet a lot. But this one is huge. It explains a lot of my other realizations. Hahaha. So soon there will be another which explains this one. That’s how it goes apparently.

The drastic change I made in my life last year about moving on from acting was a huge experiment. And it happened due to a lot of reasons:

1. I had played a lot of dark characters in films

and felt exhausted in the drama field. I started to integrate thoughts of my characters in my own life. Unconsciously, of course. Funnily enough, there was a character who changed her life in a radical way too. The last role I prepared for.

2. Another reason might have been getting off the birth control pill last July.

Guys, it’s not funny. This has made an immense difference in my life. In terms of going for things. Feeling huge emotional ups and downs last year. And having much more going on in my love life now. In general, more life energy. More courage. More taking action.

3. Another reason, feeling unconsiously desperate about making money.

Even though I have always made a bit of money on the side. But I am still getting financial support from my mom. Which is amazing of her. Supporting me to follow my dreams. But at my age it can cause lack of self confidence. Will I ever be able to support myself alone? Those questions come up. Of course, I can make money. I know it. But those questions harm slowly.

4. Another reason, emotions. Negative emotions.

According to the astrologer I talked to last year I’m behaving like a Scorpio in the field of emotions. If anyone knows what that means, it’s pretty huge. I feel much deeper than a lot of people. Which means I feel positive emotions much more, but also the negative ones. Yay. What a blessing. Well, not really sure about that. So, I felt I can live a better life without acting. Without having to act those negative emotions. Because I also thought I found a recipe to not feel them privately anymore. Bullshit. Of course they are there. They are just disguised in other situations. I caught them. Ätschibätsch.

5. Another reason, my insatiable curiousity.

Hmmmm. What happens if I just let go of my past? What if I don’t identify myself with the old Clarissa anymore? What if I just put all my eggs in one basket? How will the universe respond to it? I wasn’t actually thinking about “How will the whole facebook world and every person I’ve met respond to this?”. It was quite overwhelming. Positively and negatively. But I survived. Using dramatic words here. I know. By the way, almost no one read the blog post I wrote WHY I moved on from acting.

6. Another reason, embodying the POWER OF NOW book.

The thing as an actor. You get very sensitive. To things you read, hear, talk about. Your surroundings. Reading a book brings up all the feelings in my body which are connected to the content. I mean I got trained in embodying a character’s thoughts.

Well, everyone connects to the stuff they’re reading. I know. That’s why we read, listen and watch. For me it feels more intense now than it was before I started with acting. Being the skeptical German and not as open, can be very helpful, too. Sometimes.

But back to the POWER OF NOW and my experiment.

How I got into the very present was by “letting go” of the past. I thanked it. I said thank you for everything I have experienced in my life, all the encounters with people, my family and so on. And I decided to not look back anymore. Which sounds great. Right?!

At first. And I felt great. And free. Blablabla. Until it broke me. And that happened because I felt very disconnected. I felt like I didn’t have any past. Nothing. Nada. All new.

But there’s nothing to build upon.

Nothing to grow. Nothing to expand. It’s like a fresh start. Which might sound great. But without any vision you feel lost. Or I felt lost. Wow. I can’t tell you how that was. I actually don’t want to tell you. It wasn’t good. That’s for sure.

So what happened then? Well, the opposite of disconnection is connection. Slowly things started to appear in my life. Which had to do with feeling connected. But not only with people. It was with my inner self. The inner self I had let go before.

I started with Transcendental Meditation.

Did dynamic breathwork workshops. Did 2 hour meditation with only positive thoughts. Funny thing. Did an Energy Healing workshop. Did a transformational session with a life coach. Did a lot of sound baths. Very hip in LA right now. Sang loudly in the car. Danced to loud music. Talked to and followed people who are living a truly amazing life.

I began to heal.

And I didn’t even know that I was harmed before. But I’ve never felt so often this vibrating energy in my body before. I didn’t know that something like this even existed. I feel connected again. And that stronger than ever before. Of course, for me as an emotion-scorpio it feels more intense than average. Haha.

But what I actually wanted to say.

Yes. Now after 5.000 paragraphs. If you’re still with me. The past is so important. Not at all considerable to throw away. Or to ignore. Or to let go. It’s the perfect foundation to build upon. To expand. To grow. That’s what we’re here for. To learn. To thrive. To make the best out of our experiences.

Help others with our story on their way.

Enourage others. Uplift others. Spreading love and light. And laughter. We all want to make a huge impact in this world. We all want to help and love each other. Because that’s when we feel this amazing vibrating energy. This feeling of being fully connected.

That’s why guys are so addicted to sex.

And women off the birth control pill, too. Just an after thought. Haha.

I don’t regret any of the decisions I made last year.

It brought me here to where I am now. With a whole lot of new experiences. And rewards. Wonderful rewards. And this blog. Where I can share my story.

Regarding acting. I won’t limit myself in any field of my life.

I will do whatever resonates with me. Also with acting. Right now I want to grow more into this powerful positive role of a woman. The encouraging, empowering one. If there are acting roles helping me to do that, why should I say no?! The power is on.

Thanks for reading.