Two Knights Walk Into A Bar

Our Story

Two knights of the realm are vying for the affections of beautiful young maidens as they recount their tales of daring do. Each are trying to outdo, or undo each other in this conquest. A third knight has been observing their attempts for a few hours. Finally, our chivalrous fellow has enough. Let us listen in, shall we?

That sounds very brave!

Brave is what I do.

Brave? You think he's brave?

Why, yes, of course.

And who are you, sir?

Listen, my fair lady, if you cannot tell the difference between truth and mere fantastic fantasies of a fevered mind...

Hey! What are you doing...

...allow me to illustrate just how far from brave and courageous, these churls really are.

Churls? Are you dragging me into this, too?

You're both sullying the good name of the knighthood with your boasting and exaggerations. I think someone needs to set the record straight.

Do we know you? How could you possibly tell them anything about us?

My father was a manservant to a king. One day, he heard screaming from outside the castle walls. He looked and saw down in the market square a dragon spewing fire on the townspeople, and everything burning in its wake. Not knowing what to do, he rallied the sentry on the battlements and the archers launched a hundred arrows at the monster. While they did not hurt it, they managed to get its attention.

You know, this story sounds oddly familiar...

I was thinking the same thing...

As the dragon turned its attention to the castle, my father retreated and ran inside. He could hear the cries of the men being hewn down behind him. He had no plan, really, he just hoped the dragon would follow him through the castle and that it somehow might be thwarted in the confined space.

Well, follow the dragon did, belching flame as it went. My father managed to get to the back, which overlooked a deep canyon, a natural defense against invaders. However, it didn't afford much escape. Through a hidden door in the floor he could make his way to a narrow pass that led down the cliff.

Wait a minute.

Oh. You remember this, too?

Maybe. And I'm not liking where it's going.

The dragon halfway through must have realized what my father was trying to do, and rather than continuing on, it crashed through doors of a great hall with a glass ceiling and swooped up into the night. It still intended to come after my father, for distracting it from its destruction.

Okay. Yes, now I remember. This isn't good.

That's far enough, sir. We don't need to hear any more.

My father did make it a great distance, but it was still a hundred foot drop to the ground when the dragon came upon him. It's fire blast missed, but it was enough to make my father stumble, and lose his balance. After catching the ledge and holding on for arduous moments, he could no longer hold and fell into the ravine. The fall broke his back, leaving him completely paralyzed. Seeing him unable to move, the dragon either thought it greater suffering to leave him that way to die, or maybe he mistook him for dead...

You know, there's another option. He could have been a benevolent dragon. You know, a terribly misunderstood one.

I can't believe you just said that.

I've got to say something. You know where he's going with this.

There were two young men, freshly knighted, that my father found on his way through the castle. This one...

It's impolite to point, sir!

That's right!

...was in the library, murmuring to no one about the prestige he would win from his gallantry as he drank champagne from a chalice he had stolen from the king's table.

Gasp!

I can explain, milady. I was simply...borrowing the chalice...to celebrate...the miracle of my...father's fully recovery from the plague! Yes, that's it!

Later, this other...

This other, sir, has a name!

...was playing with shiny pirate beads while splashing in a pink baby pool eating pizza and singing about a "pretty Metal Butterfly" which carries a stone rose to lay it on wet carpet before the rock queen.

Did you understand half of what he said? Baby pool? Pizza?

No, but it sounds ghastly! You cur!

Ow! Not the face!

You see, both of them had seen the dragon, broke ranks, and ran off to hide, each dealing with their treacherous desertion in their own childish, cowardly ways.

This is simply horrible! What do you have to say for yourselves!

A simple case of mistaken identity?

We were young and foolish?

That I believe. Kind, noble sir. What happened to your father?

He was nursed back to health by a peasant woman who found him days later while foraging for food. He has never regained movement in any of his extremities, but he lives to this day. No thanks to them.

But if he couldn't move...

Ah, yes. Well, while it is possible to sire children still in such a state, the good peasant woman became my father's second wife. My mother, his first wife, was burned alive by the dragon while she shopped in the market square.

Oh, I'm so terribly sorry. How dreadful that must have been for you.

I was but a small child at the time. I can't say that I recall my mother very much, and my stepmother has been very kind.

Anyone noticing that he's walking away with our maidens.

I did notice that.

Me, too. Kind of sad, actually.

Why yes. Yes it is. And who might you be?

My name is @deeanndmathews, but you can call me, La Musica!

Well, then, La Musica. Is there something we can do for you? Perhaps, you require saving? Or someone else you know?

No. But you two do. You're pretty pathetic, you know that, right? If you ever want to become real knights, look me up, okay?

Um, sure. Okay! Farewell!

Okay, that was bizarre.

How did such a good time take such a strange turn?

I don't know, but what were you doing in a pink baby pool, whatever that is.

Really? You're asking me what I was doing, Sir Prestige.

Oh, shut it.

_{All Images—Pixabay}

This post is a freewrite using 13 prompts, in the sequence they were given, from the daily freewrite hosted by @mariannewest. The prompts can be found throughout the post in italics.