Well, then, it's good. I was afraid that it would offend you if I didn't find your figure particularly mature. Big ego and a kind of breakneck courage, but it's not a beautiful and not a noble one, but an angry daring that makes others small to elevate himself to greatness and seemingly die a heroic death, not without pulling some cowards along.
But honestly, I'm glad it wasn't a lie after all and that your character let himself be blinded by his own pessimism and hopelessness. Well, that speaks volumes.
Your style is very powerful, and I didn't really read the words, but rather went into a kind of intoxication from them, which I tried to resist inwardly.
A quite dramatic birth, an equally dramatic awakening for this special man. May those who took care of their own be less strict with themselves. May he forgive himself for having lost his beloved.
Uhm ... amen ;-)
Really well told and very unusual how you let the "I-form" flow in.
Thanks for the interesting and insightful comment @erh.germany... and I think you are right. The main character isn't exactly complex (or mature). With more words to play with I hope I could have made him less one dimensional but I got swept away in the first person present perspective that I was playing with and spent a lot of my allotted words in the visceral descriptions of sensation.
I'm glad to hear that the I-form flowed well and brought an intensity to the story for you. It is encouraging as that's part of why I chose to use that POV. Now I'm thinking about redrafting/rewriting this with my own beginning to see if I can build a little more on the character. Cheers for your comment :-)
Oh, this character of yours - which I perceived as exaggerated - only would have been one dimensional if the story wouldn't have changed. The contrast you put on I liked and I was delighted that you did insert several dimensions by opposing the people who were hiding to your main character, just like the end of the story.
The fact that I was inwardly angry with the man and emotionally attuned to him does not change the fact that betrayal and powerlessness offend the ego. My comment reflected my world-weariness about it and that I let myself be infected by hopelessness, although I don't want that at all. Without the strongly drawn extreme in one character, the other side would also be less noticeable, and the symbolism we use in writing represents that.
Wow, what an insightful exegesis.
Never the cool reader, I am. I give you my subjectivity, what else should I do?
Don't wanna grease nor belittle a writer. But be authentic and not lie.
That's the way and thanks.