You know what dear, that fear and insecurity that you have is completely normal. That is mind of intelligent woman. It is labyrinth of thoughts and hopes which we create ourselves. When you are "free", before you get kids everything seems to be fun and challenging, new battles to conquer. The moment you give birth something rewires in brain and instead of excitement because of new things and uncertainty, like before, fear of future kicks in. I am on the same boat, so I understand you completely.