My self worth

Hi, my name is Antionette im a 42 year old mom of 2 i live in Colorado and i want to tell my story about how i lost my self worth and found a new beginning. I used to be one of those women who was very independent, very strong minded, very outspoken, very beautiful and just loved life. On February 14 2014 i was diagnosed with 2 pituitary adenoma. In other words 2 brain tumors. Due to these tumors i had multipal seizures from them putting pressure on the brainstem. So having frequent seizures took my ability to live independently drive and being i worked in construction i could no longer do the job i loved so much. So in a very short time i lost my home, my job, my car , my independence my self worth. I then started taking a chemo medication proscribed by my Dr. to shrink and stabilize the tumors called bromacriptine. For cancer patients it kills the white blood cells that causes cancer and or shrinks the tumors. It also slows your metabolism and imune system. Not a great combination. So in time i stopped having the seizures which told me great! Its doing its job! But in turn I developed alopecia which is a disease that attacks your hair follicles due to having low white blood cells and a slow immune system. So as time went along I started losing my hair. I was devistated. I cried daily. My once long beautiful hair was gone. That was me and it wad all i had left as a woman. I went into a deep depression. I went into my moms besement and cried for five months. I couldnt look at anyone i was so embarrassed, so hurt so ugly. I wouldnt talk to anyone and i sure wasnt going to let anyone see me that way to me my life was over. I have never felt so sorry for myself in my life. I went from being a strong independent beauiful hispanic woman to a pittiful monster who had nothing to offer anyone. This went on for sometime until my mom was putting rogain on my head one day and i seen her start crying and i dont know who you are anymore. This is not you. Your stronger than this and are you gonna hide from the world for the rest of your life? To me my answer was yes i am. Im not going no where like this. So i returned to the basement and cried myself to sleep. A couple days went by and i had watched every movie every show read every online book and had nothing to do but think. Think about life and my kids my family who i havent seen in months my friends and my job that i worked so hard for. And i cried. I was missing out on life. So i went upstairs put on a bandanna and
told my mom im going to work. The looks on their faces was classic. Made me laugh. Something i hadnt done in so long. I went to work and found that no one even looked at my hair or questioned my absense even tho i knew they were wondering but made me feel like a person. When i got off my mom said get showered were going somewhere. Without question i did and we went to Kims wigs. I was once again embarrassed and ashamed until Kim herself came to me to help me but not only that made me realize that im not the only one theres nothing to be ashamed of and beauty lies within. Its not what you have to offer as far as money, a car where you live how beautiful you are or if you even have hair. I have to admit there are some who only care about those things but ive learned if that all they cate about they dont need to be in my live. I look at life differently now and i work harder and appreciate more. My kids my parents and my gamily are the ones who got me thru all this and thats who i need to consentrate on. I took advantage of so many things and never really seemed to realize how i got that way. So the moral to this story is no matter what you have or what you look like never lose site of who you are and what you have to offer. Live life to the fullest and make everything you do something to smile about. Live. Laugh. Love. And learn... Antionette Valdez

Live. Laugh. Love. Learn