My track record isn't. With every bad day or a series of bad days

I lose a piece of me in the process to get out of it. And it's not the process of growing or anything. It's just ruthless and exhilarating pain. And I just keep losing myself to this. I'm shredding. So when I'm not having a bad day, I'm not thst person who was. But a day would come when there would be just bad things and not enough me to give myself to. And slowly, I'm reaching towards the end of it. And I won't be able to do anything to save myself from it