When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
当上帝向人间播撒智慧时，你却撑起了伞。
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
你怎么出来？谁把你从笼子里放出来了？
You are dark and handsome. When it's dark, you're handsome.
又黑又帅的你，黑天中最帅！
You should be the poster child for birth control.
你该去为计划生育做广告。
If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
如果大脑是炸药，那你连擤鼻子的威力都没有。
If we were to kill everyone who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide.
要是你杀掉所以讨厌你的人，估计是个种族大清洗了。
If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
如果你的脑子是巧克力做的，估计连个M&M豆都装不下。
She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face.
姑娘人还行，就是脸不咋地。
(这里用了个谐音，butter face = but her face）
They said you were a big asset. I told them they were off by two letters.
他们很承认你的才能，可是他们可能短路了。
(这里也是语言上玩了一把，ass和asset)
We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long stayings.
我们不会抱怨你的缺点，我们只是怕和你呆的太久了。
I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.
听说你的智商检验报告是负数。
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
我一想起你，我的中指极不听话的竖了起来。
I thought of you all day today, I was at the zoo.
我在动物园时，想了你一整天。
Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.
补点化妆品吧，这样我还能看看你的内在美。
You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.
你貌美如画，我们想把你吊起来。
I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
真心没人能傻成像你一样。
He is so ugly when he went to a haunted house they offered him a job.
他去了鬼屋，之后被HR招进去了。
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
你的出生证就是避孕套厂商给你父母写的道歉信。
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
人们都说，异性相吸，对立物可以互补，希望你能找到一个，漂亮，聪明，素质高的人。
Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
我的妈呀，看看你，车祸中还有其他人受伤吗？