Is there Ever a Time to Give Up?

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Life is full of opportunity. Many of us have lofty goals and ambitious dreams. Yet is it realistic to believe that we're going to accomplish everything that we set out to achieve? This weeks @ecotrain question, "How do you know when it is time to give up on something?" - sets out to challenge the thinking around whether or not one should give up on something that they've been trying to attain.

At first glance, the simple answer that most positive minded people, such as myself, would say is - absolutely not! We should never give up on our aspirations. But this question needs to be looked at from different angles. First, not everything that people aspire after is good for them. One can't assume from this question that everything that a person is after is something that they need for betterment. There are certainly times when quitting or giving up on bad things is precisely what an individual needs.

Take bad habits, drugs, alcohol, and many other detrimental life practices. Quitting those things can bring a lot of positivity into ones life once those negative items are removed. This is the more obvious reason for why"giving up" on something should be good.

But what about when perceived good things are given up on? Is it ever a "good idea" for someone to walk away from something that should motivate them or help them if they achieve it? This is where we as individuals need to take a step back and cease the "judgement" of others. No one knows what others need and nor should we as people try and tell others what they need. Human kind is so quick to decide what is "good" or "bad" for other people. We tend to think we are all experts on life and what others need. I can tell you that we need to move away from this style of thinking. It is certainly natural to want to see good things come to our children, family, and loved ones - but it is not our place to decide what those individuals need in their life journey. Who are we to say what others need for their personal life journey and experience? The choices that everyone makes help shape their character and often their destiny - for better or for worse this is their personal experience. One through which we don't get a say.

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I can give a very personal story to this...

When I was turning 18 years of age I decided to drop out of high school. It is a long story - but I will share that I was a life long honor roll student from elementary school through most of my high school years. I enjoyed school up until my junior year of high school. My high school was not in the best of areas and if they had been scoring schools then as they do now I have no doubt that my school would have received poor grades. Most of the teachers were adversarial towards the students. I'm sure most of them had good cause to dislike the students as many of the students weren't very nice towards the teachers. I always got the feelings that the teachers hated being there. They did what they did because they "had to."

Long story short - I got caught up in the wrong crowd. As I was trying to "find myself," I entered a dark period of my life. From about the age of 15 - 18 years I began to resent my life and my situation. I had not yet learned or understood that I had the control to pull myself out of whatever scenario I was placed in. After skipping and missing too much school I found that I would have to repeat my senior year if I wanted to graduate. I couldn't bring myself to attend one more year in that negative place. I was 18 and against all the guidance of my parents, guidance counselor, and others - I dropped out of school. I quit...

It was the only time in my life that I've given up on something. Yet it turned out to be one of the most important catalysts in my life. The one place I did enjoy going at that time in my life was work. The manager that had hired me at my first job when I was 17 offered to bring me to Florida to work with him. So that's what I did. I moved 1000 miles (1,600+ kilometers) away from home with nothing to my name. The place I was working at during that time was being re-franchised as the company was selling locations. My boss was moving to Florida to stay with the corporate side of the business. I decided to get my G.E.D. since I knew that I would need that in order to become a manager in the same business he was in if I decided to go that route.

I was determined to not become a "statistic." High school dropouts have a pretty bad cliche about them as being unsuccessful, low skilled individuals, that most often become a future burden on society. I was NOT going to let this be me.

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Now 20 years later I can say that I hold a high level position within my industry. There was a lot of learning along the way and some failures to continue that learning as the time went by. Many great experiences have led me to where I am today and looking back I wouldn't have changed a single outcome of what happened to me. Perhaps it was EXACTLY what I needed for my life. But many were quick to judge me...telling me what was good for me and what was bad for me. Well intended or not, no one knew what my life path needed for me to experience what I needed for my own character and growth.

Today I care much less about the position and title that I hold. I've met and surpassed all of my basic life needs and today I focus on how I can give back and help others attain what they need in order to achieve their life goals. However I am ALWAYS very careful not to "tell" people what they should or shouldn't do.

Sometimes giving up, quitting, or walking away is what people need.

I needed that point in my life. It has helped define who and what I am today. So the next time that you feel very strongly inclined to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do - even if it involves that person quitting something that you feel they shouldn't; stop and think. What is good for you is not necessarily good for all. Let life be lived by those who need to live it.

I believe we all choose our life situations. Before we are brought into this world I believe we choose a life path that will involve a certain "course" for learning. All the ups and downs, the successes and the shortcomings are all a part of the experience. Live it well...

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