Our lives are really just one big dot to dot puzzle. But what those dots are makes all the difference to whether we are happy in our lives or sad.
A Terrible Week
Earlier in the week, my daughter had the most terrible tantrum that lasted over three days in the end. All triggered by the fact that I did not let her dance because it was 8pm and that is the dance cut off time.
So started the next three days of her screaming and yelling that she wanted a new family, she hated me and her little sister, she wanted to kill us and lots of not nice things and hitting out and kicking.
I ended up packing up all her favourite things and saying I would put them in the dustbin if she didn't calm down and go to her room.
She had plenty of chances, but the bag ended up in the dustbin (it is now in the loft as I didn't have the heart to throw it away in the end, but shhh don't tell her).
So then she wanted to call the police and social services, which she repeated for hours on end and then woke up at 2 am and carried on some more, then in the morning even more...
It culminated in her fibbing to her teacher that I hit her, because she was so angry at me taking her toys away, so I had an interesting conversation with the headmaster and I said yes I could do with some more help with the eldest, because she can be very difficult.
But anyway, she came home yesterday afternoon all cuddles, sunshine and apologies, after speaking to one of the other mum's at lunchtime at school. I'd like some of her magic please.
So we talked and we would work together dealing with her anger issues and seek external help too. If we can do something about it now, then we can all work together on it. It is good that she is expressing it outwardly, when I was a kid I processed everything internally and it kind of imploded later in life.
The Epiphany
And thinking about her 'punishment' for that, I wondered what to do. I could take away every dance lesson, every plan we have for the next month. I have already taken her favourite toys away (as far as she knows).
But it dawned on me this morning, that life shouldn't always be about punishments or extensive punishment. Look at the number of repeat offenders we have in prison, out and out punishment doesn't work.
But of course, there will be consequences.
I may well even tell her the bag of stuff is in the loft, but she will only get one thing back a day if she is good.
And dance class is definitely cancelled.
But as for the fun trips to the park, or running the races we want to enter, or a nice afternoon walk in nature, they are all staying.
Because life is a dot to dot. Those dots can be from drama to drama, or they can be from happy moment to happy moment.
It is our design.
I choose from happy moment to happy moment.
With <3 Hope Huggs
Free Bitcoin Earning Opportunity
It sounds like you had a tough week indeed. We have certainly been there with our children at times as well. The yelling and threatening to run away. Kids can be so irrational when they are upset. I find that it is not always the size of the consequence that matters. What is more important is the discussion that follows and the understanding of what went wrong and how that behaviour can be avoided int he future. I like the idea of earning back the stuff. It shows here that you cared enough not to throw them away and gives her a chance to build back trust.
I think we are making headway slowly. She does like to challenge me frequently, but we'll get there.
She has earned about a third of everything back now.
That must be very hard to handle. Good, she was advice at school and she came to apologise. Kids sometimes feel their actions are right and when corrected tend to explode.
These are of the things African finds funny, your kid calling the police and social service. If this happens in Nigeria, the police will come and even punish the child for disrespecting his/her mother. There are no social services here.
Glad everything is okay now. It happens
Haha. Being a Nigerian myself I can relate to what you just said. The police wouldn't just punish you, but would make you apologize and promise never to misbehave again. Lol
It is learning process for sure. I don't think anyone could ever say they get this parenting thing sussed.
Sure it is
It seems that you really had a very bad week. But you coped with all the difficulties as well as you can and it's great. I do not know what kind of education this child is, but I know which one to have a whimsical brother. We always fought and argued in any way, than violated the order and irritated our parents. But it is important to find a common language with your child and live in harmony. You did it well, you're done.
Some days we live in a half kind of harmony, I think that is the best we can acheive :)
Wow what a big week you have had! that must have been very emotional and exhausting at the same time... Sounds like it all worked out in the end it was nice of that mom to talk to your daughter and make her see sense.. It is very hard being a teenager sometimes with the stresses of school and in there little world sometimes things really feel like the end of the world sometimes... I hope things get better for you guys that was nice of you not to actually throw them away, that would have been a shock getting accused of hitting her. I hope tomorrow is a better day Xx
It was definitely a hard few days.
Thankfully subsequent tantrums have been a lot easier to handle. I think the fact she saw me physically throw her stuff in the bin showed her I meant business, even if I did go and take it out the next day.
Although perhaps I might threaten to throw away one thing, rather than everything!
Great story people always tends to look at dot and forgets about the white paper.
ooooo, I didn't think about the white paper - true.
Love your dots theory thanks a lot for sharing.
It was an inspired moment.
well time to regain lot of energy this weekend and make the next one the best one :)
Yes things have improved since, thank goodness
Blackmailing is sometimes, something that smart children do, the problem is that they use their intelligence in a bad way. I'm sure she is a good dancer, if she's addicted to the point she wants to dance at night it means she really likes it...
Haha, it's funny because when I was a child I had tantrums too because I wasn't allowed to use the computer for a long time. And here I am today, spending hours in front of the screen of my computer, lol.
Personally, I think the best punishment for her is to work for what she wants. I mean, for example, she's allowed to dance as long as she does the washing up, or clean her room. I think this can be motivating for her and at the end of the day she will end up very tired before the night starts.
Also when my little cousin (which is very mischievous and bad behaved) coma to my house before I moved, I put him to draw something very difficult or construct something great with his building bricks, I told him "I don't think you can do it" and he felt challenged and spent hours making that drawing until I said it's good, haha.
Well, don't take these advises too seriously, I'm not a parent yet, but they can work sometimes. It's nice that you don't hit your children, most parents do that and get not other results than fear and it's very popular here in my country (what a casualty one of the top countries with highest crime rates in the world).
Warm greetings and good luck with you child!
Thank you @ralk98 I will take on board this advice as well. Motivation and rewards. I don't like ending up resorting to taking things away, it didn't work too well that time haha.
Kids, as adorable as they are, they can also be a handful. Haha.
Thankfully, they don't mean most of what they say and their anger is also always short-lived
Like you though, I also would love to know what that lady said to your daughter that calmed her and made her sweet again. That technique, whatever it is, would definitely come in handle.
I spoke to her. Hazel was mainly upset that I threw her trophy away in the bin and wanted her advice on what to do to get it back.
I have one of those kids. I thought I had this parenting thing wired, but wow. It's a whole new ballgame. We are learning and developing new strategies, but I feel you that the whole hitting and saying hateful stuff is the pits. I honestly don't mind when he says he hates me because all kids at least think that, even if they don't say it, but the hitting and kicking. Sometimes I'm just at a loss. Consistency is definitely key. I know that for sure.
Thankfully the moments of hitting and kicking out are far and few between. Though as she gets older, they do get harder.
I feel you! He's almost stronger than me now.
I did the same things when i was young, i told my parents i hated them, and that i was going to kill myself by stoping my breath xD i once told them i was going away and never returning, i put all my toys in a huge bag, opened the door of my house stepped out, got terrified of the world and went right back in, i told my mother i gave her a second chance ahahah
Looking back at these things makes me laugh, what the hell was i thinking!
I hope Hazel ends up thinking like you sooner, rather than later.
I used to hold my breath till I fainted when I didn't get my own way when I was about 5, but that was solved by blowing into my face, so I had to catch my breath. At least they haven't thought of or done that.
I never thought about it this way... and as a drama person, it always goes drama to drama... but it's just dot to dot - we choose what that dot will be so yeah, maybe I should start looking at things differently and see how it goes... thanks for that girl! <3 ;)
Happiness moment to happiness moment. Although I do a lot a work from home, I make an effort every day to do something fun with them and this has seemed to simmer down the tantrums a bit.