Hey Beth,
Sorry to hear about your friend, and sorry to hear that you've dealt with/are dealing with psychological issues.
I've had complex PTSD symptoms since I was 17 (I'm 33), so I know the struggle.
It's great that you have a big heart, loving husband, and children who love you.
Ugh that sucks! Yeah, you definitely know the struggle, even more so because I have never had to struggle with PTSD. Yes I have a wonderful family, which makes me that much more guilt-ridden when I am struggling. There is no rhyme or reason to it, it just is. It's just a poison that creeps into my mind and strangles it. This isn't an easy thing to talk about, but I hope one day that mental illness is as regular and normally accepted as anything else. Thanks for your response! You're too sweet.
You're welcome.
(As others have probably said, and you know.) If there's no rhyme or reason, then there's no need to be abusive to yourself about it (eg. abusive self-talk. In an frustrated internal tone: "Why can't I just be XXX" "People would be better off without me, etc." I don't know your specific self talk, so I'm just posting general ones.).
And even if there was a rhyme or reason, talking bad to yourself only makes things worse. From experience and research - one of the best things we can do is be kind to ourselves when struggling (have you checked out Kristen Neff? She is a psychologist who created an actionable concept called self-compassion).
Yeah, psychological issues aren't easy to speak about. I share online, and with family and a friend IRL, but not openly.
You're welcome for the response. :-) I really like your videos, even if I don't look around on Steemit, I check in to see your vids.
The guilt I think comes from outside being angry that you are acknowledging your feelings. So many people are unhappy but they find some pride in "being tough" (i think its a social conditioning, sort of like anti suicide teachings as a way to keep people participating in a slave system) . Then when you feel so strongly that this is not how life should be people say "well look at bad this is ". I dont feel better, because it bums me out that that is also so bad lol. I want everyone to be happy not just me better off than others haha