The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck does away with the positive thinking craze that so many people are drawn to, and instead takes a more stoic, no bullshit approach to life. This is a no BS self-help book for people who usually hate self-help books.
The Feedback Loop from Hell
Accept that the world is fucked, and not give a fuck. Wanting to always have a positive experience in life is in itself a negative experience, but accepting negative experiences, is a positive experience. When you stop giving a fuck about every little thing, everything will fall into place.
Also, the avoidance of suffering, is suffering itself. It is impossible to avoid pain. You will die. So remember, you only have a limited amount of fucks to give. If you worry about every little thing, then you are fucked. Focus only on what you give a fuck about.
In life if you always aim to be comfortable, you'll always give too many fucks and you’ll be eaten alive.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
There are three subtleties:
- Being comfortable with being different. You must reserve your fucks for what really matters in your life, your family, friends etc.
- Give a fuck about something more important than adversity. For example, an old lady scolds a store employee for not taking her coupon. Clearly there's not much going on in her life.
- You’re always choosing to give a fuck about something. What people say about you, are your socks matching, etc. These have little impact on your life. You must be selective about what you give a fuck about.
What’s the point of this book? This book is there to help you figure out what is important and unimportant in your life.
Happiness Is a Problem
2500 years ago, there was a king. He wanted to make the prince’s is life perfect. So he gave the prince servants. The prince grew up ignorant about the suffering of people outside the kingdom. The prince was unhappy.
Eventually, he went to a village outside the kingdom, and he saw a lot of human suffering. He had an existential crisis. He complained a lot, and blamed his father for not informing him about this.
The prince became so unhappy that he eventually ran away from the kingdom. The prince lived in the street, and slept in the street. He never returned to the kingdom, and he suffered immensely. Years went by and nothing happened. The prince didn’t get a deeper meaning of life. The suffering sucked.
He sat under a tree for 49 days, and in that time he had a spiritual awakening. He realized that life itself is a form of suffering. The rich suffer. The poor suffer. Pain and loss are inevitable. The prince was Buddha.
Dissatisfaction is a normal part of life. It is a necessary component to create consistent happiness.
Disappointment
Suffering is biologically useful. This is how nature inspires us to change. This constant dissatisfaction as a species made us fight, strive, build and conquer. Pain inspires us to change. Pain shows us what's good for us, and what's bad for us.
If you touch a hot stove, you get burned. You will feel pain and that pain will make you realize that touching a hot stove is bad for you.
We also experience psychological pain. Anyone who has been cheated on will attest to this. However, psychological pain can be healthy. If you go for a job interview and you get rejected, you will learn a valuable lesson and you will know what to improve upon in the future.
Problems don't go away, they just improve. Warren Buffett has money problems, he just has better money problems. There's no such thing as a life without problems. Aim to live a life filled with good problems.
Happiness Comes From Solving Problems
Happiness comes from taking action. You have to constantly work at being happy. For example, develop better relationships with your parents, your friends and your co-workers. Solving this problem will make you be happy.
Emotions Are Overrated
Emotions evolved for one specific reason. To help us like someone and reproduce a little better. When you experience negative emotions, this is a call-to-action to take action and improve your situation.
Positive emotions are a reward for taking the correct action. Our emotions never last because our biology always needs something more.
Choose Your Struggle
What do you want to do in life? What are you going to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out. For example, many people want a corner office but are not willing to work the long hours to get there. People want to start a business but are not willing to take risks. Remember that the joy is in the climb itself.
You Are Not Special
Failure is useful. Entitled people exuding delusional self-confidence need to feel good about themselves all the time. Entitlement is a failed strategy. It’s just a temporary high. Look at the negative part of your character and try to improve it.
The Value of Suffering
Suffering is inevitable. If you want to change, you have to change the way you see your problems, you have to change what you value, and how you measure failure and success.
For example in 1968, The Beatles had a drummer named Pete Best. Pete got fired from the band, and Ringo Starr replaced him. 6 months later Beatlemania erupted. Best got depressed, and drank alcohol.
In 1965 he sued The Beatles for slander. In 1968 he attempted suicide, but luckily he survived. In 1994 he gave an interview where he said that he was happier than he would have been if he stayed with the Beatles. Because he got fired he met his wife and had kids. His values changed.
Defining Good and Bad Values
Good values are things like honesty, Innovation, vulnerability, charity and creativity. Bad values are things like violence, feeling good all the time, and not being alone.
Good values are in your control. Bad values are not in your control. When we have bad values, we give fucks about things that don't matter. Whereas, when we have good values, we only give fucks about the things that really matter in life.
You Are Always Choosing
We feel empowered when we choose our own problems, and we feel horrible when our problems are forced upon us.
We all must give a fuck about something, but we choose exactly what we give a fuck about. Only you are responsible for your own happiness. It is your responsibility to make yourself happy. Take responsibility for your own problems and try to improve them.
You're Wrong about Everything But So Am I
People worry too much about being right that they don't live their life to the fullest.
Certainty is the enemy of growth, whereas being wrong leads to growth.
Kill Yourself
Let go of the stories you tell yourself, about yourself. We create our own limits, in our minds. Once you overcome your limiting beliefs, you can achieve anything.
Failure Is the Way Forward
The magnitude of your success is proportional to how many times you have failed at something. Most of us are afraid of failure because fear stifles us.
Aim to have better values where we are in control. Shitty values involve external goals. Good values focus on the process.
Pain is a Part of The Process
It is only when we feel pain that we begin to examine our values. Pain can cause you to reexamine your life and take action to improve it.
Do Something Principle
Action is caused by motivation, but it also causes motivation. If you lack motivation to change your life, take action. Force yourself to do something. If you followed the do something principle, failure doesn't seem that important. The do something principle is a cure for procrastination. Action is always within reach. Action is the only prerequisite for success.
The Importance of Saying No
Rejection makes your life better. We all must give a fuck about something. To value X, you must reject Y. If you want a good marriage, you must reject other women.
Rejection is an important life skill. No one wants to be stuck in a crappy marriage.
How to Build Trust
Without conflict there can be no trust. No one trusts a “yes man.” For a healthy relationship both parties must be able to say no.
And Then You Die
In order for us to live forever we build buildings with our names on them, we write books with our names on them, and we create large families that will live on for generations. We have to come to terms with our own death, so we can choose our values more freely. Death is not something to be afraid of, ever! Think of death as a peaceful sleep. Now what's scary about a nice, tranquil, peaceful sleep? Nothing.
Conclusion
The main take away from this book is that you should only give a fuck about what is truly important to you in life. Not the material things.
-Denershan Naidoo
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