I, not knowing anything about your life story, am left curious. At first I thought that it may be struggles with depression, but @mineopoly's comment makes me think it's something that happened. Not knowing the details, I'm not sure this would help, but there's something I do that has so far always managed to bring me to a place of centeredness: I'm an atheist, so I don't have what many cling to: faith. ... Instead, I think about existence. The existence not of myself or any one thing, but that anything exists at all. I try tackle the impossibility of imagining how much time has gone by since the universe started, and the vast empty space of which the universe is mostly made. I pinpoint myself in all this, and then willingly and joyfully lose myself in it. I become not-myself, my consciousness expanding into everything. With this, I'm momentarily filled with a liberating peace/gladness.
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More background details can be found here Who is Naquoya?
This particular piece is from a sense of depression that has come in waves over many years. I have tried many ways to deal with it, except pills, as I personally prefer to feel what I feel. This is just me, and my way of being. Things such as meditation help, possibly similar to what you discuss. Problem is, often one doesn't feel up to doing such a thing at the very moment it is really needed.
A very recent bout of the blues lead to this piece, and just how I was feeling as I rode the wave through it. I have good days. Lots of them. I have very good days. Unfortunately I also have bad days. This writing was just me coming to terms with that.
Thanks for your comment.