Wow that is a very powerful poem! I'm so sorry that you suffer so much (I read a few of your other posts)! My son suffered/suffers from anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and although I can never say I understand what you are going through, I can tell you that there are people here, including myself, who are willing to listen...I sincerely hope that is helpful.
As an aside, I would love to see your poems written out...I'm just such a visual learner that the audio alone feels like I'm missing out on your amazing words!
Sending internet hugs your way :) Cheers!